Three Things I Love

I love my church family.  Yesterday was a Sunday that reminded me again of how blessed I am to be part of South Hills Church in Henderson, Nevada.  My friend Sean Stepleton, lately of Canyon Ridge Christian Church, led worship for us and I was humbled and honored to teach after such an amazing time of worship.  Our church was as full as I have ever seen it and so many old and new friends were there.  As I stood amidst our congregation and listened to them give praise and worship to Jesus, as I was led into God's presence by our amazing worship team, as I stood in front of them to share God's Word, I felt like I was doing exactly what God created me to do, in the place He created me to do it.  I can't imagine leading a better church family.  Love you guys.

I love my family.  I miss them every day.  I can't wait to get on the plane tomorrow night after our last Christmas Eve service and fly home to spend 8 days with them.  My youngest son Braden is developing into an amazing musician.  My daughter Skye is writing a blog right now that fills my heart with love and with joy as I watch God work in her life.  My oldest son Kyle has become the man of the house in my absence.  He is working full time, doing an amazing job, knows what he wants to do in college and even at 19 still doesn't mind saying he loves his mom and dad.  I am blessed.  I also have the most amazing wife in the world.  After 22 years of marriage she still thinks I'm worth keeping around.  Being separated for the past four months has made me realize that God absolutely knew what He was doing when He put Jo and I together.  Love you all so much and can't wait to get you down here with me where we belong.

I love my Savior.  Not enough space in the world to say everything that could be said. Words can't describe the feeling of knowing that I am saved; that eternal life with Jesus is my future; that this world really is not my home; that I was created to feel like a gypsy until I reach my true home.  As I read Hebrews 11 to our church yesterday I was overwhelmed as I read "the world was not worthy of them...because God had planned something better for (all of) us..."  I love my Savior because He has something better planned for me.

I think that perhaps at Christmas time, more than any other season, I realize how important it is to spend this season with your church family, your real family, and your heavenly family.

Three things I love.  

Christmas Gypsy

From 1979 - 1983 I spent Christmas Eve in Hong Kong (we were missionaries).
From 1984 - 1986 I spent Christmas Eve in Singapore (we were still missionaries).
From 1987 - 1991 I spent Christmas Eve in Edmonton (I think, those years are a blur).
From 1991 - 1994 I spent Christmas Eve alternating between Edmonton and Vancouver (with my new wife).
From 1995 - 1996 I spent Christmas Eve in Toronto (at my first pastorate).
In 1997 I spent Christmas Eve in Michigan (in seminary).
In 1998 I spent Christmas Eve in Williams Lake (teaching school).
From 1999 - 2006 I spent Christmas Eve in Las Vegas (with one Christmas spent in LA with my brother and our family).
In 2007 I spent Christmas Eve in Williams Lake (visiting in-laws).
From 2008 - 2010 I spent Christmas Eve in Edmonton (while I did post graduate work).
From 2011 - 2012 I spent Christmas Eve in Kamloops (where I was a pastor).
This year I will spend Christmas Eve in an airport (as I travel from where I work to where my family lives so I can spend Christmas day with them).
It will be different.  8 hours in either Vancouver or Seattle airport (I can't remember which one I fly in to right now) will be a new experience.  There might be a Christmas tree up somewhere.  Probably a Starbucks, or seven (if it turns out to be Seattle).

I've spent Christmas in a few different places.  I've never really known the feeling of "coming home" for Christmas.  Home is wherever my wife and kids and I are currently living.  That is the reality of bing a gypsy and I embrace it.  In fact, I love it.  It helps me remember that I am a transient in this world and I am continually on a journey to my true home.  

My point is this.  Where you are celebrating isn't as important as what you are celebrating, or better yet, who you are celebrating.

Emmanuel, God with us, is as important in Hong Kong as it is in an airport.  Whether you are alone in a studio apartment or surrounded by a hundred family members in a mansion, Christmas is about so much more than Christmas carols, eggnog, family, presents, and lights.  Christmas is about the Light of the World who came down into the darkness of our situation to bring us hope.  To light the way home. We are not alone. Because of Emmanuel, we will never be alone.

Merry Christmas.  

The Gym

I love the gym and I hate the gym.
I love how I feel after I work out.
I hate how I feel when my alarm clock goes off every morning at 5:30.
I love to see my weights increase, my reps increase, my cardio increase.
I hate to see the muscle heads who are ten times my size.  Do they live in the gym?  Steroids?
I don't want to be a meat head, but I do fantasize about having arms like Patrick Willis.  Pretty sure I never will.
I'd love to be able to run like the wind forever, or as Jason Bourne says "at this altitude I can run flat out for 20 minutes before my hands start shaking."  I'd love to know how that feels.  Pretty sure I never will.

Ultimately, the gym is a distraction for me.
It is two hours every morning that I don't think about how far away from my family I am right now.
It is two hours in my day where I don't deal with the pressures of work.
It is two hours where I focus on staying healthy, mentally and physically.

So I put in my headphones, cue up the music, discover new bands that my kids keep telling me about, and get down to working out.  I try not to let the people around me become distractions and I tell myself with every rep or every mile "I love the gym."

Maybe one day I'll actually mean it.

Blue Christmas (oh shut up cry baby)

I am missing my family right now.  A lot.  It is the Christmas season and everywhere it is beginning to look a lot like....well, you get it.  Trees are going up; lights are being hung on houses; families are out Christmas shopping in the evenings with their Starbucks and their shopping bags.  At church we are singing Christmas carols.  And here I sit, alone.  I know it was my choice to be here, our family made the decision and it hasn't been easy to be apart, but I think right now, going into Christmas, it will be harder than it has been.
I am not the grinch.  I love Christmas.  I love family.  I love presents.  I love decorations and lights.  But right now, I am feeling not so Christmassy.  Is that a word?  Perhaps I need a snickers bar or something cause I don't really feel like my happy Christmas-loving self.  I feel a little bit blue.
My wife would no doubt ask me "Why so blue panda?"  It's part of an old snickers commercial.....oh never mind.  I'm wandering.  My point it this, I would very much like to be with my family at Christmas.
Every time I see some happy family walking down the mall hand in hand with love in their eyes and presents in the bags and kids skipping merrily along I feel like walking up to them and saying......(I probably shouldn't finish that sentence).
I probably shouldn't post this blog either.  
But seriously, it feels a little strange to be out shopping by myself at Christmas.  I don't know why it didn't feel weird in the past, when I would go out by myself to get something for Jo so she wouldn't know what it was.  Then I felt perfectly normal.  Right now, I feel rather pathetic.
I know it is just me.
Did I mention I also feel a little blue?
What is worse, I wonder how many families look at me as I walk by and give each other that sad "knowing" look as if to say "I'm so glad we have each other at Christmas and aren't like that loner that just walked by us."
Maybe they think I'm out buying presents for my wife and kids, which I am actually, it just feels strange not to run back to the car and try to hide the present(s) somewhere in the trunk and then go back and meet Jo for coffee at Starbucks (or Tim Horton's or Second Cup or David's Tea) and pretend like I didn't just buy a gift and it isn't hiding in the trunk.  But I like that stuff.
Maybe I'm just getting old and sentimental.  Wait, did somebody say senile?
Here is how sad it got this weekend.
I'm at the Fashion Show mall on the Strip.  They are playing Christmas music.  There is a fashion show going on.  Santa is hosting it.  There is an elf helping him out.  It seemed like they were doing stand-up around the models as they walked the catwalk.  The models were modeling really ugly christmas-themed clothes.  I mean really ugly.  It was perfect.  All Christmas time joy and happiness and ugly sweaters and Santa and I really didn't care.  I was annoyed that there were people standing five deep to watch the show and I had to squeeze through them and around them.
I kept asking myself "Why are all these people here to see Santa and an elf and some stupid ugly sweater thing and hear Christmas music?"
I know, I need professional help.
No wait, I need a snickers bar.
Actually, I just need my family.
Actually, I just need to man up, realize I do have a family that loves me, and that on Christmas Eve I will get on a plane at 9:50 p.m. right after our last Christmas Eve service, I will fly to Seattle, stay in the airport for six hours (no doubt trying unsuccessfully to sleep), get on another plane, and be home with them by 9 a.m. on Christmas morning.
I'm more than happy to wander around a deserted Seattle airport for six hours.  I'm more than happy to travel all night if it means I get to open presents with Jo and the kids on Christmas morning.
I might sleep the rest of the day, but hey, I'll be home...for Christmas...
Enough said.

I am thankful

I am thankful.   

I am thankful for how much God has taught me this year about loving my family.

I am thankful that my family loves me.

I am thankful for my friends.

I am thankful for the church, with all its imperfections and all its beauty.

I am thankful that God loves me.

I am thankful for the voice of God speaking into my life.

I am thankful that I am learning to listen.

I am thankful for God's discipline.

I am thankful for forgiveness and grace.

I am thankful for second and third chances.

I am thankful for the journey.

I am thankful that this life is only the beginning of the journey.

I am thankful that death is not the end of the journey.

I am thankful that God is in control.

Community (not the brilliant TV show)

Yesterday was the kind of day the reminds me why I love the church so much.  While I am away from my family, and when the timing of our reunion is uncertain, it is the simple act of community in the church that at times keeps me sane and whole and yesterday, from start to finish, was a day of community.
Our entire volunteer team spent time before rehearsal giving thanks together as an act of worship. As our team prayed together and gave thanks together I was reminded of how amazing God is and of how thankful I am for a church that can still find things to be thankful for despite its difficult history.
During our worship time we had ten people from our church body come up and say what they were thankful for.  As these people talked about their thankfulness for God's forgiveness, for family reconciliation, for the love of a husband or wife or children, for the community of the church, for salvation from addiction, I witnessed more people than I can count in tears.  These were not tears of sorrow however, but tears of joy, of happiness, tears that we shared as we saw our own story mirrored in the stories of others in our community, where we all realize we are in this together.
That afternoon our church gathered at a local restaurant for lunch.  Obviously we are too large of a church to all get in to one restaurant at the same time, but over the course of 8 hours, with our missions team acting as servers, our church came together to eat and raise money for our next trip to the mission field of the Dominican Republic in support of our missionaries, Allan and Jackie Perez.  As I sat in the restaurant and ate food with my friends, as I walked from table to table and talked with new friends and caught up with old friends, I was reminded of the power there is in a shared meal.  Eating together is one of the strongest acts of community, which is one of the reasons I love communion so much.  I am eating in community with my eternal community.
In the evening I went to watch football with a family in our church.  I love them.  They have opened up their home to me on countless occasions while I've been down here and have always made me feel like I was part of the family and not some lonely loser with no place to watch football.  Sitting on a couch with dogs jumping on me, yelling at the t.v., discussing the future of the church, telling crazy stories from our pasts (like the time my band played for an outlaw biker rally out in the middle of the Arizona desert), and watching them love their kids the same way I love mine, I was reminded again of why I love this church community so much.
None of us is perfect. None of us are immune to hurt, anger, fear, frustration, stress, or worry. None of us has it all together all the time.  But none of us are alone.  We are surrounded by our community. The way God intended it to be.
Long live the church.    

Sharks

I hate sharks. I've hated them ever since I saw Jaws when I was 10. By accident. Right before I went swimming in the ocean off the side of a boat the came equipped with a "shark spotter" who would ring a really loud bell if there were swimmers in the water and he caught sight of a fin.  I spent the whole day on the side of the boat, too terrified to enter the murky green home of the killer fish.  I still am. Afraid that is.
This fear of sharks is irrational.  I know it.  As long as I stay out of the ocean, and apparently out of some fresh water rivers too now, I won't become a meal for some giant fish with dead eyes and long razor sharp teeth.  My biggest fear would be that I wouldn't become a meal, per se, but rather, just my arm or leg would become the meal.
I can't even being to imagine the fear of swimming along, or paddling along on my surf board (I don't surf obviously) and looking over straight into the eyes of a great white six inches away in the water. Just typing that previous sentence made my heart rate spike.
So, knowing my fear of sharks, my daughter gave me this little present for my office desk when I was home visiting my family last week.
Because I miss her so much, she knew I would take it and put it on my desk as a way to remember her and feel closer to her.  She also knew what it would do to me psychologically.  Apparently she literally wants to "love me to death"

The musical journey of tomorrow

I was home in Canada with my wife and children last week.  What a great week.  While I was there, one of the things I did was to sit down a couple of times and jam with my youngest son Braden. Braden (and his sister Skye) are both legally blind but have never let this stop them or slow them down.  Skye is an amazing artist and Braden has become quite a musician.  Not only does he write/record/produce electronica music (which you can find online along with Skye's art work), but he has also learned to play the bass and the guitar.  And so, just as I did with my dad many years ago, Braden sat down to jam with me this past week.
The boy hears music.  He hears melody.  He writes music.  I love it.
It also reminded me why I love songwriting so much.  It is pure freedom.  I got caught up in trying to write the formula, the hit song, the concise 4 minute song with the right verse/chorus ratio and somewhere in the process forgot the joy of just writing whatever was in my head.
Braden reminded me of that this weekend.  He played melodies and chords and ideas that were in his head and it inspired me.
So, here I am, back in Vegas, sitting at my desk and plugging in my Avid Recording Studio.
I will sit through the tutorial on Pro-Tools.
I will learn how to record vocals and guitar tracks and then how to layer and add bass and drums and keys.
Then I'll probably send it all to Braden and ask him what he would change or do differently.

Then I'll upload it somewhere for whoever cares to hear it.

I might get Skye to do artwork and we'll do our own music videos.

My oldest son Kyle has a very eclectic and very amazing sense of great music too.  This weekend he introduced me to several very cool bands that I would have never heard about if it weren't for him. I think I'll get his opinion on my songs too.

Writing songs again, just for me.  Not for worship, not for church, not for the radio, not for a band, not for the clubs, not for anything other than the joy of exploring a progression or a melody and seeing where it will take me.

...where it will take us.

God Is Not A Priority

We all have priorities.  Not everyone has the same priorities.  The priorities of a politician may be different than the priorities of a stock broker, a police officer, a football player or a mom.  Even beyond the different priorities that encompass different careers, each individual person has their own set of priorities.  Some want to be wealthy, some want to be famous, some want to be educated, some want to be rational, some want to be loved, some want to be left alone, some want to live ethical lives, some want to care for the planet or their families or their pets, and some want to be more spiritual or know God more fully.  A long time ago I decided that it was time to make God a priority in my life.  I had just given my life to Christ after a long period of living for myself and I wanted to make sure that I prioritized my spiritual life.  So I added God to my list of priorities, right along side providing for my family, loving my wife and children, becoming a famous musician, taking care of my health, writing a book, doing post graduate work, vacations, date nights, and the list goes on and on...

What I discovered was this: when I made God a priority he tended to get shuffled...a lot.  I also found that I tended to compartmentalize God.  For instance, this hour is when I will focus on God and my spirituality because the rest of the day is about work and family and school and eating and taking my kids to football.  When I listed all my priorities I began to realize that quite often I made other things a priority over God.  Not because I intended to or wanted to but because I wasn't connected with who God really is and what God really wants for me.

God IS my life.  God is not part of my life.  God is over and in and around and through everything I do each day.  He is not just an hour before breakfast or a few chapters in the Bible before I fall asleep. He is not just prayer before meals or when I need help.  Honestly, if that is all God is, where is he when I sleep in and am late for work or when things are going well and I don't need any desperate help or when I decide to stay up late and watch a movie and then fall asleep and drag myself to bed?  He ends up getting pushed off until tomorrow or until I have more time or am once again faced with a situation I can't handle on my own.  Then God is suddenly a priority again.        

God has to be above priorities because as I discovered, priorities are subject to my control and my desires and my failures and my weaknesses. 

Now I engage in prayer continually as I go throughout my day because I have come to realize that God is with me wherever I am and doesn't need me to set aside quiet time and close my eyes and go into some long formal prayer when I want to talk to Him.  I can talk to him in sentences or phrases or questions as I drive, walk, or in the middle of a difficult conversation with someone and I need His grace.  When things come to mind, I don't need to put them off until my prayer time, I just talk to God about them right then because He is listening, always.  If I choose, I can also carve out time to spend in longer solitude and prayer, but that is not the only way to connect with God.  

I find God in the ordinary, in the everyday, in movies, words, phrases, music, beauty, nature, good food, a great wine, the joy of a good laugh, the community of good friends.  I don't have to wait for that 'sacred' time of devotions or those few verses I read before bed.  God is everywhere in this world, waiting, wanting us to discover Him in new and mysterious ways.

I still try to make time in my day to read the Bible to listen for God speaking to me, for silence and solitude, but I also realize that God is far beyond those times I try, and often fail, to make for Him. And so, with a very keen sense of my own weakness I have come to realize that as long as I try to make God a priority in my life, He will always be shuffled around, no matter how hard I try to keep him the top priority.  God is no longer one of the priorities in my life.  God is my life.  I am trying to see Him in everything I do, in everything I say, in every moment, in the good and the bad, in the successes and the failures.  

Some will no doubt say that this view of my life is about making God a priority, that I have prioritized seeing God in my life every day.  I would agree.  I am prioritizing the attempt to see God as more than a priority.  I know it is confusing, and for some it may just seem like a semantical argument, but for the way God has wired me, it is what makes sense to me.

    

        

 

Finding God in the everyday

Lots of people I know say they find God in the everyday things.  I believe them.  I'd love it if they told me where or how, or if it is just some dumb cliche that people use to excuse their inability or lack of desire to search for God in His word.  Regardless, I do find God in the everyday.
Here are some of the ways I've found God in my everyday life this week.

John Mayer's song "Other Side of Green".  I was listening to it today at the gym.  It contains these lyrics.  "And I don't need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side with you."  So often the grass looks greener on the other side.  Life without the "restrictions" of religion or the perceived inability to have fun if you believe in God can make some people think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.  As I listened to the song today I was reminded how true it is that I don't need to go back and try the grass on the other side of the fence, I know I'm on the right side with God.  I love my life with God.  I enjoy my life with God.  I have fun.  I live on His side of the fence.

On the wall of my office is an old Matrix poster.  The tagline is "How far down does the rabbit hole go?"  One of my favorite movies of all time.  In it Morpheus asks Neo if he wants to take the blue pill and continue living in a fairy tale land where nothing is real, or if he wants to take the red pill and discover how far down the rabbit hole goes?  Essentially, if he wants to discover the truth.  Everyday I am reminded that there is no end to what I can discover about my Savior.  There is no end to the rabbit hole, only deeper and deeper levels of understanding and discovery.  The mystery is what keeps me coming back.

The keyboard on my ipad stopped working this week.  I'm not a mac guy so I was frustrated.  I'm downloading manuals from the internet, my wife is downloading manuals, I'm talking with my staff trying to figure it out.  Finally my wife asks me if I have plugged in the keyboard to recharge it.  I didn't know you had to recharge the keyboard separately from the ipad itself.  I was reminded once again as I sat and watched the keyboard recharge yesterday afternoon of how vital it is that I remain plugged in to Jesus and His word.

Now I'm not trying to say that every little thing that happens in life has some giant spiritual significance. Most of the time it probably doesn't.  I'm not suggesting we try to force some spiritual significance into every day living.  Don't waste your day trying to figure out if the water not getting hot in the shower is God's way of trying to tell you something.  What I am saying is this:  be open to the reality that God does speak to us through our everyday lives.  Look for the moments, be open to them.  It may just be a feeling of peace as you watch the sun set.  It may be a feeling of thankfulness as you interact with your kids or our spouse.  God is everywhere.

 

Halloween

Yesterday I tweeted that I was not going to dress up for Halloween.  I said that I was going to just be myself, or something along those lines.  Well, tonight there is a big Halloween party at work.  Everyone is going and everyone is dressing up.  I've already seen the costumes.  I don't want to be the only guy there without a costume.  So, I have decided to dress up as the scariest thing I know.
I'm going as a Seattle Seahawk's fan.

HaHaHa...o.k. seriously.

Halloween and Christianity.  Should a Christian participate in, or celebrate, such an obviously pagan holiday.  (There are, by the way, very good arguments that would indicate that perhaps Halloween is based more on Christian origins than on pagan ones, however the pagan traditions were more fun and so began to take over)
I've gone back and forth on this.  When I was in my more fundamentalist days (yes, I had them) I wouldn't let my kids dress up or go trick-or-treating.  We just bought them candy ourselves.  In my more liberal days (which some of you are saying, does it get more liberal than this?) we took our kids to big trick-or-treat parties or took them up and down our street.

Here is what I always come back to.  Where would Jesus be?
I know exactly where He would be.  He'd be out with people.  A big wedding party?  Check.  A funeral? Check.  A huge dinner party at the home of the head of the NRA?  Check.  Cocktails with the mayor and the head of the IRS?  Check.  Dinner with the Republican caucus?  Check.  Lunch with the Democratic National Convention?  Check.  Down on the docks on Monday morning?  Check.  At the playground with the moms and the kids?  Check.  At church?  Check.  At a Halloween party?  Why not.

Take what you want from this post.  I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything.

Oh ya, underneath my Seattle Seahawks costume, I'll be wearing my 49er T-shirt!!    

Self Control and Social Media

I love social media, especially Facebook and Twitter.  My family would probably tell you I love both of them too much.  I love the connectivity they offer me to the world. I love them as a forum to meet old friends, make new friends (although cyber friends aren't real friends, right?), to solicit and gather information, to engage the world, and to support causes that are important.  There is a certain power that comes with the ability to speak to the world from behind your computer desk, and that power can be used as a force for good or a force for evil.

As Spiderman's uncle says to him "With great power comes great responsibility" and I fear that many times, we misuse the power of social media and do not exercise responsibility or self-control.

I'm guilty of this from time to time.  I have occasionally voiced personal opinions on sensitive topics on Facebook and Twitter that have gotten me into trouble.  Because I am a Christian minister I have to be extra careful of what I post and which debates I engage in publicly.  From time to time I forget this and it has cost me.  I am learning, however, that people in public positions do not get to use social media as carelessly as those who are not in public positions. While this is at times frustrating, it is also a fact of life in the age of information and social media.  I get that.  I don't like it, because I have strong opinions and I am wired to engage with people who have different opinions, however social media is not the venue in which to do this, but I get it.  This does not mean that I can not have an opinion or that I can not support that opinion and disagree with the opposite opinion.  What it does mean is that I have to be mature enough to know when and how to engage in discussions surrounding the topic that do not bring dishonor to the name of God or to the church.  

Social media allows me the cloak of supposed invisibility.  When it is just me alone with my computer, it is easy to forget that what I am writing could potentially be seen by hundreds if not thousands of people.  I have no control over how what I write will be used by others, how it will be taken by others, how it will be forwarded by others, and how it could ultimately end up hurting many more people than just the one person I may be targeting in my tweet or Facebook post or blog.  I am not actually looking into the face of the person with whom I am having a "discussion" via social media.  Adding the hashtag #justsayin or something like that, does not excuse me from saying things that are hurtful or offensive that I would not say face to face to that person.  When I am protected behind my keyboard alone in my office it is easy to forget that there is a real, living, human being for whom Christ died at the other end of this discussion.   

As Christians we are called to a higher standard than even those in public office.  From the housewife to the President, from the student to the University Professor, from the dad to the Pastor, if you are a Christian there is a higher standard that we are called to follow, not just when using social media, but in every interaction.  This standard is called "Self Control" and it based on the universal principle of love. 

The Bible talks about them over and over again.  Here are four examples out of thousands I could cite.

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and self-control."

1 Timothy 6:11 "But you, man of God, pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and self control."

John 13:35 "By this will all men know you are my followers, if you love one another."

1 John 3:23 "This is  (God's) command, to believe in Jesus Christ and to love one another."

I have seen far too many Christians use social media as a vehicle to express anger, bitterness, resentment, hostility and to then express slanderous, hate-filled, one-sided rants towards people, institutions, and policies or beliefs with which they disagree.  Whether you are a liberal Christian or a fundamentalist Christian, Facebook, Twitter, and the comment section of Youtube videos are not the places to engage in public bashing of those with whom you disagree.  In fact, no place is the proper place to bash those with whom you disagree, regardless of who you believe is right or wrong. Believers don't do that to each other.  

James 3 is an amazing chapter in the Bible on learning to control the tongue.  I think if James were writing today he would be talking about learning to control our use of social media.  I'm still learning. I hope you are too.    

   

      

Under New Management

I used to work at a hotel on The Strip, well, just off The Strip.  It was a long time ago. It wasn't a very good hotel.  I think its nickname was "hooker central" or something along those lines.  If it wasn't, it should have been.  I saw my fair share of prostitution, drug deals, criminals, pimps, and police officers (not to mention a dead body, oh and a pimp threatened to kill me once). In my short time at that fine establishment we changed management companies: twice.  Both times we hung out a banner that said "Under New Management" and both times, nothing changed.  It was the same hotel with the same philosophy and the same way of doing things and the same clientele.
As Christians, when we surrender our lives to Jesus, when we turn to Jesus, in effect we come under new management.  We are no longer in charge of our lives, we give that management to God.  We ask God to take over and help us figure out how to live every day with a new perspective on life, a new perspective on the world, a new perspective on ourselves, and a new perspective on eternity.  It begins when we ask, but for some of us, it takes a long time to actually implement.
See, we are all raised in a culture that says "I am in control of my own life."  The American dream is the self made man, the man who works hard and takes control of his life and becomes a success; all on his own with his own smarts and a little bit of luck.  Giving control of our lives to Jesus is counter cultural.  It might even be a little subversive.  It is also the only way to live.
Just like the hotel, I can hang out a banner that says "I'm under new management, Jesus is in control of my life" and then have nothing change.  I can talk the talk and then keep doing my own thing and running my own life.  Jesus won't go where he isn't wanted.  He respects our choices.  However, if I am serious, if I really do want to be under new management, then slowly my life becomes a process of learning how to let go and of how to let God be in control.  This isn't an easy thing.  It isn't a quick thing either.  It takes a lifetime.  There are days when it is one step forward and three steps backwards. But with God in control, those days slowly becomes fewer and fewer.  Slowly it becomes two steps forward, one step back...then three steps forward...and one day you realize you are walking in the Spirit.  Again, it isn't perfection, nobody will ever be perfect, but it is so much better than the alternative.
And the best part is, one day, all those steps will lead you home.  

far away dad

I wonder if this is how God feels?  Far away and disconnected from his children.  

I love that Skype and email and phone calls keep me as connected as I am to my family, but it isn't the same as being there.  There are days when I feel very disconnected to what is going on in their lives. Like today.  I wonder if after this year of separation, they won't really remember what it is like to live with their dad.  I wonder if they will have grown and developed so much that it will feel awkward to be living in the same house again and attempting to readapt to life with dad around again. They are in their mid to late teens and they are becoming adults without me around to guide them.  They are learning to make choices and decisions without the ability, or perhaps the need, to ask for my input or insight.  

Ya, I wonder if this is how God feels.    

3 Days

My church surprised me with a three day "holiday" with my family last week.  They flew me up to Canada after church on Sunday and then flew me back on Thursday so I'd be here in time for rehearsal Thursday night.  It was the best mini vacation I can remember.  Three days with your family when you haven't seen them in a while is heaven.  Little things like walking the kids to school, seeing where Kyle works at Costco, going to the gym with my wife, watching Monday Night Football together, jamming on the guitar and bass with Braden, taking Skye and the dog on long evening walks mean so much more when you don't get to do them on a regular basis.  God absolutely knew what he was talking about when he said "It is not good for man to be alone."  As a man I know I am at my best when I have my family around me and when I am engaged in leading my household spiritually, physically, and emotionally.  When my energy is directed towards God, my family, and my work (in that order) I am at my best.  When I am away from my family, even though I try to be as engaged with them as I can through regular Skype, email, and phone calls, there is a disorder that enters my world that is difficult to deal with.  
When I am alone I can get away with being less engaged, less focused, and more selfish than I would be with my family.  I can stay up later and sleep in more because I don't have to get up and make lunches and help get my family ready for the day.  It's just me and I can come and go as I please.  When it is just me I can go to work as long as I want, as often as I want.  I can work on my days off if I need too. This knowledge makes it easier for me to work less efficiently on my regular work days because I know I can always "get it done on Saturday" if I need too.  When I am alone I am not as disciplined in my spiritual and prayer life.  They still exist, but they do so on my schedule whenever I feel like fitting them in to my day.  When I am with my family I am constantly reminded of my need for God because I am always aware of how my answers to their questions, of how my attitude in difficult circumstances, reflect to them how much God and spirituality inform my life and my opinions.  When I am with my family my wife and I pray together every night.  It is the last thing we do together before we go to sleep.  When I am by myself it is easy to forget to pray every night; it is easy to slip into bed and be out before I know it.
So, apart from just being a great time, the last three days with my family have reminded me how important it is to continue to live the way I would live if my family were in the same house as I am.  

Heart

In my devotional time yesterday I read from Joel where God says to wayward Israel "Rend your heart and not your garments."  In that culture tearing (rending) your garments was a way of showing remorse or sorrow or grief over some incident or calamity that had befallen you or your family or your nation. Often people who were sorry for something would tear their clothes and sit in a pile of ashes to show their contrition.  It was all for public display, supposedly to show what was going on inside, to show that they were truly sorry in their hearts for what had happened.  Obviously it had become a ritual, a spectacle, that meant nothing and did not equate with the state of the person's attitude or heart.  They would tear their clothes, sit in mourning, and meanwhile, inside, they would be planning their next crime.  They were not sorry for anything they had done, they just wanted people to think they were sorry.  What was worse, they wanted God to think they were sorry too.
But 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us that God does not look on the outward appearance.  Instead, God looks at our hearts.  He wants to know if we are truly sorry.  He wants to know if we feel genuine remorse for our actions and for the harm we have caused.  He wants a heart broken so that he can remake it.  He does not want torn garments that we can mend ourselves with a needle and thread the next day once we think we've fooled everyone.
I have to ask myself every morning where my heart is.  I have to ask myself every morning if my heart is broken enough for God to remake it.  These last three weeks, alone in Vegas, have been a time for God to break and rebuild my heart.  I can't exactly explain it, but something is going on inside of me that I have never felt, or perhaps acknowledged, before.  I mean I am certainly not perfect or where God fully wants me, and I know I still have lots to learn and lots of areas to grow in, but for the first time in a while, I feel my heart slowly being mended and re-created by God.  It's a gradual process, but it feels good.  The best part is that slowly I am noticing how it changes how I think and act and treat people.  I'm starting to see evidence of the transforming work of God in my heart in my daily life.  How I think, how I process, how I re-act are beginning to change.  Again, not perfect, but beginning.  Now I am trying to find a way to symbolize this transformative work of God in an outward way.
It's kind of like going to the gym. I've been going to the gym 6 days a week for the past three weeks.  I get up at 5:45 every morning and work out for an hour and a half.  I am also starting to run (well, jog actually,....o.k. fast walk....).  My point is this: I want to see and feel results immediately.  I want to see muscle, I want to see my belly disappear overnight, I want to be able to enjoy running but it doesn't happen after one or two trips to the gym.  It's only now, after three solid weeks of faithful gym attendance that I am beginning to see and feel some tiny differences.  Today, for the first time, I was able to jog for a solid half hour without stopping and without feeling like my lungs were going to explode and I was going to puke all over the track.  Jo told me last night while we were on Skype that she can actually see some difference in my chest and arms.  Finally, there are some outward signs of what I am beginning to feel inside.
Some of us get so hung up on the outside, that we work endlessly to look good without realizing that it all starts from the inside and that without the inside change coming first, the outside thing will never last, and for as long as it remains, it will only be fake.  Like taking steroids. You might look good on the outside, but inside you don't match up, and what is worse, you can't live up to the life you are trying desperately to portray.  (I am reminded of the great Saturday Night Live skit on the steroid olympics where the olympians were allowed to take steroids and they looked huge but then their arms kept breaking off when they went to lift heavy weights because they weren't as strong as they looked.)
So, in the words of the prophet Joel, stop faking an outward change and start letting God change you inside so that the outward change is real and will last.  That is the only way to stay alive.
   

When Time is Your Enemy

Time is my enemy right now.  It is too long until I see my family again.  When I finally do get back to see them it will be far too short a time before I have to return to Vegas and leave them behind once again.  We still don't know how long this separation will last.  A year apart seems like far too much time to be away from each other.  My youngest son is learning to play the bass.  Everyone is telling me he is getting really good at it.  He loves it and practices every night.  Reminds me of me when I discovered the guitar.  I need to be there to encourage him and jam with him.  We need to spend time together.  My oldest son is becoming the man of the house.  He is bbq'ing supper for everyone.  He is getting a job.  He is learning to drive.  I need to be there to encourage him and support him.  We need to spend time together.  My daughter is entering grade 12.  This is such an important year for her.  She is doing so well in school and I need to be there to support her in her studies and cheer her on in her last year of high school.  We need to spend time together.
My wife....well, you get it.
But, not just is time away from my family my enemy; time by myself down here is also my enemy.  I am aware of my weaknesses and of my temptations.  I am aware of the fact that when I am bored that is when I tend to get into trouble.  I am aware of how easy it is in this city to get lost and become a nameless, faceless, entity with no-one and nothing to hold you back from engaging in whatever activity you desire.  Free time is usually when people get into trouble and I have no intention of getting into trouble.  So, time is my enemy and I am attempting to fill my time with activities and work and getting myself into shape.
I accept every invitation from friends that I receive.  Want to go out for dinner or have me over for dinner in the evening?  I'm in.  Want to watch football together?  I'm in.  Need some help on my days off?  I'm in.  I'm saying yes to opportunities to speak and lead worship for church events outside my direct area of responsibility.  I joined a gym.  I get up every morning at 5:45 and work out for 1 - 1 1/2 hours.  I spend long days in the office.  I constantly stay connected to my wife via text, phone calls, and Skype every evening.  I make sure that I Skype with my family every evening at roughly the same time.
See, time may be my enemy, but I have determined with God's help, to not let it defeat me.
I'm counting down the days until I fly up to see my family.  Every day is one day closer.  Time can't win that battle. It can't stop me from seeing them again.
I'm filling up my days with good things, making sure I hold myself accountable for my hours and what I do in those hours.  For me, that is something I need to do. Now that I think about it, that is a great way to live every day, regardless of where you live or what situation you live in.          

The Church in the World

Living alone in Vegas I am reminded, now more than ever, of the difficulty of attempting to navigate life while clinging to the teachings of a Jewish mystic who claimed to be the Son of God and whose followers grew from a few hundred in the first century A.D. to a now-almost-uncountable (unaccountable?) global force.  I am one of those followers and yet at the same time I am not blind to the faults, blemishes, and at times, downright un-Christian things said and done by these same followers in the name of the Son of God that leave me feeling like I have nothing in common with someone who could say or do those things. I get why people who are hurting and beat up and uncertain do not come streaming to the church in order to find healing and a place to re-orient their moral compasses.  (There are some churches that are full to overflowing and I am not attempting to comment on them or their theology. Instead I am commenting on a general attitude towards Christianity from those beyond its walls.  I know, I've been there.)  Judgment is not my strong suit.  Yet I follow a teacher who was unafraid to call people on their sin and offer them an alternative; one that they often accepted.  He didn't seem to invite hatred from those whom he held to account for their sins, except when it was the religious leaders whom he was holding to account. When He held them account they got so mad they killed him.  I follow a teacher who wasn't afraid to go to parties with addicts and prostitutes and corrupt government officials, wherever He was invited He went, and yet He managed to never betray His principles, His mission, or His identity.  Somehow he was able to speak truth into their lives in such a way that they gave up everything to follow Him.  He didn't antagonize, goad, or guilt people into giving up their way of life and doing it His way.  He didn't alienate people with his rhetoric or his judgement.  He didn't sit inside some beautiful manicured and landscaped office building in the middle of wealthy-suburban-America and write op-ed pieces or sermons about the decay of "traditional" values in the face of the secular onslaught of television and the internet.  He didn't spend his time or his energy organizing anti-gay rallies, picketing abortion clinics, or lobbying for tougher criminal penalties for marijuana use. Instead, he went to dinner with everybody (even the ultra conservative right wing fundamentalist Jewish religious establishment), and everywhere He went His message was the same: "Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as yourself.  As I love you, so you should love each other."  I am floored by the power and the simplicity of it.  This doesn't mean that He was a wimp or wasn't man enough to act when action was called for, however I find it interesting that the only story where Jesus actually gets violent and angry is when He throws the money changers and lenders out of the Temple.  His anger wasn't aimed at people lost in sin and darkness, His anger was aimed at the religious establishment who were supposed to be leading people out of darkness and into light and who had, instead, become as evil and corrupt as the culture around them.  His anger wasn't directed at the addict who struggled daily to make sober choices, not with the prostitute who had no way out and no other way to survive, nor the corrupt official so far down the rabbit hole that he had no idea where to go or how to undo what was already a way of life; instead his anger was directed at the darkness itself, at evil in all its insidious forms, and also at the religious community who were supposed to offer protection, healing, and forgiveness in His name to those struggling through life.
Now, before you think I am writing some anti-church, anti-Christian piece, I need to tell you something: I love the church.  I have dedicated my life to serving the church.  I am a pastor.  I believe that the church is the instrument through which God demonstrates His love to the world.  I believe that the church should be the safest, greatest, and most influential organization on the planet.  I believe that wherever we go, when people find out we are Christians, they should automatically know that we are safe people who love this world and are seeking to end poverty, famine, economic and racial inequality, and injustice.  Sadly, however, this is the exception rather than the rule in Christian circles.  Several times I have become so disillusioned with Christianity as an enterprise or as a business or as a PR firm or as an entertainment venue, that I've walked away from it, occasionally in rather public and spectacularly poor ways.  Yet, no matter how far I walk away from Christianity, I can't escape the beauty and simplicity and love of the founder of Christianity.  I am drawn back to Christian community because I know Christ, and life with Him is far superior to life without Him.  I want the world to know Him and how superior life can be with Him and I believe that the best way for the world to see this is when Christian communities and churches and organizations begin to behave like their founder rather than like every other business out there.  Rather than knowing us because of what we oppose, the world should know us because of what we embrace.  We embrace forgiveness.  We embrace second-chances...and third chances.  We embrace that everyone is equal before God.  We embrace the idea that love, not hate, is what will ultimately change the world.  First we love the Wall Street banker who just stole our life savings, then we call that person to a higher way of thinking, to a life full of meaning and purpose, a life that is not centered on money, but on eternity.  First we love the adulterous spouse who just left his or her partner and children for someone half their age, then we call that person to a higher way of thinking, to a life full of meaning and purpose, a life that is not centered on pleasure or self-fulfillment, but on eternity. First we love ourselves, with all our lies, masks, fears, and hang-ups, then we follow our master, a Jewish mystic who rose from the dead, proving He was and IS the Son of God, to a higher way of thinking, to a more noble and honorable way of living, to a life based not on religion, but on Jesus and the eternity He offers.
That is the church in the world.  That is the church that I have dedicated my life to building.          

Insanity at the DMV

Today's blog is directed at what happens to you when you leave one country for an extended period of time and then return and attempt to get a driver's license.  A little background:  The DMV sucks.  It is a swarming mad-house of boredom, frustration, and loathing.  All I needed was a NV driver's license so that I could do basic stuff, like open a bank account, buy a car, get insurance...
I waited my obligatory 2 hours (yes, I did say two hours) and when at last my name was called (I imagine something similar to hearing your name called on the day of judgement....) I was informed that after waiting 2 hours, I would need to take a written test and a driving test before I could apply for my license.  Mother of all that is unholy!!!!  Did my ears deceive me?  I looked at the woman with what must have been a look of complete shock because she smiled and leaned closer and said more slowly, "you...have...been...out...of...the...country...for...longer...than...four...years...AND...we...don't...accept...Canadian...driver's...licenses...you...will...have...to...go...line...up...over...there...and...take...your...written...test...if...you...pass...you...can...schedule...a...driving...test"
What am I?  16?  Have I never driven a car before?  What, in Canada we only drive dog sleds on ice packs and because only 20 people live in any one city I've never seen a pedestrian cross walk or a traffic light or a stop sign before?  "IF" I pass?  "IF" I pass?  Seriously?  I tried to tell her that I drove in Las Vegas for 10 years and that I've been driving for 25 years, but the iron curtain of indifference had been lowered between us and she simply smiled and pointed to the little room in the back where all the 16 year olds in their Miley Cyrus haircuts and Laker hats on sideways were taking their tests.  I hung my head and slowly made my way to the "room of shame".
I decided to take a study book home and take the test a few days later.  First, because I needed to let my fury subside, and second, I had a sneaking suspicion that I might not actually pass a written test.
And so, today, I showed up bright and early to take my written test (before all the children came and clogged the system).  The first thing the lady asked when I handed her my form was "has your license been suspended?  Is this a renewal test for a revoked license?"  I guess I deserved it.  I am 44 standing in line with 16 year olds to take a written test.  I'd probably assume the 44 year old got hammered and drove over a fire hydrant and somebody's back yard on the way home from the game at his buddy's house too.  I smiled.  "No, I've been away for a while."  Ha!  Let her think I just got out of prison. That'll scare her for a while.  Then again, maybe not.  She had more tattoos than I have (which is none fyi).
Stupid questions on the test.  Stupid questions on the test.  They wanted to know about rules for bicycle drivers.  I am not here to answer questions about bicycle drivers.  They wanted to know what to do in case of a snow storm.  In Vegas?  Seriously?
10 minutes later I was done.  Passed.  Victory.  In the words of 49er coach Jim Harbaugh after Sunday's win over the Packers "You played like a champion out there today.  That was some eye of the tiger stuff today."  Yes it was coach, yes it was.  I was a champion today at the DMV.
Next I will tell you about my driving test.  But that is a blog for another day.

Shopping by yourself

So here I am in Vegas (notice the standard Vegas image I pulled off the internet just for the one of you who has been living in a hole under a rock somewhere and has never seen the strip before).  I have yet to even go near the strip (this is pretty standard once you have lived here for a while - and I did live here for almost ten years).  So, while I am not doing the standard tourist "visit-the-strip-go-to-every-casino-the-first-night-ritual" thing, I was initiated into a new and different ritual last night...going to the grocery store and shopping alone, for yourself, not for an entire family, so therefore not getting anything in bulk.  This was strange.  I didn't like it.  I felt strange.  I didn't know what to buy, and what is worse (or better), I was acutely aware of what everything cost.  I don't want to use my Canadian credit card and I haven't been to the bank to get a debit card for my US account, so I'm stuck using cash for a few days and so there I am mentally adding up every item as I put it in my cart.  "Hmmmm, that hairspray costs 50 cents less than that one but it has 12 oz more..." or "I don't really need three tomatoes, I can probably get away with two for the rest of the week..."  I had this internal conversation running inside my head the entire time I was in the store.  Probably 20 times I put something in my cart thinking that the kids would love this, or the kids will need this for their lunches, only to realize a short while later (usually while in another isle) that they aren't here right now and I don't need to buy the super-size box of individually packaged snack sized potato chips.  I probably spent an hour aimlessly walking up and down the isles and finally left with about six items.  Jo would be proud.  No sugary drinks, no candy, no donuts.  Next up: getting a driver's license at the hell known as the DMV and then the purchase of a new vehicle.  Stay tuned.     

Welcome to Vegas

It is now official. I am living in Vegas and Jo and the kids are living in Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada. It is sureal. It still feels like I'll see them tonight for a movie and supper...only I won't. I have my Nevada cell phone number and I made sure it has unlimited talk and text to Canada (and Mexico - bonus if I knew anybody who lived there). So I can text Jo whenever I want and we can talk on fb whenever we get the chance, but still, I am realizing today how difficult this year will be. I want to fly home and see them all tomorrow. It's going to be a long month or two until I get the chance to do that.

Vancouver

Three days in Vancouver, exploring this great city as a family before doing the final pack up, and beginning the actual process of moving. Vancouver is a beautiful city. The skyline at night is amazing and there are far too many things to do and places to see for anyone to fit them all into three days, as we tried to do. We were tourists. We rode the sea bus. We went to Lonsdale Quay. We went to the suspension bridge and walked the suspended walkway through the tree tops. We ate out. One night, Jo's brother and his wife and kids came into Van and met us for supper (thus the picture). I think one of the best parts of the entire trip was sitting around the table at breakfast eating together and telling stories and laughing. It would be safe to say that after we move to the US and get all the visa stuff sorted out, I could very easily visit Vancouver again on vacation. Spending time together as a family, without the stress of packing or moving, was important to us. We don't have a lot of time together to just hang out and enjoy each other's company now that the serious packing has started and I know Vancouver will be a memory that we hold with us over the next few months.

The beginning of the last things

Today is my last day in the office. This weekend is my last weekend at Kamloops Alliance Church. This weekend I will preach my last sermon at the church. On Sunday we are having our last bbq with our small group. On Monday we will go on our last official vacation together as a family before I leave. There are many more "lasts" that will come in this adventure and each will have its place and will be acknowledged and celebrated as it should be. I am looking forward to preaching this weekend. I'm looking forward to sharing food and drink with our friends. I'm looking forward to taking my family to Vancouver since we've never experienced that great city together. The great thing is that this isn't the last time we will see all of the people we have grown to love in our short time here. As a follower of Jesus I believe that even if we don't see each other in this life again, we will see each other in the next one. Until then, we always have twitter, facebook, email, text messages, skype.....

all the tiny details will strangle your heart

For someone who has moved as often as I have, you would think that by now I would understand all the small details that need to be taken care of when you move. Now, multiply that by 10 when you factor in that I am moving to the U.S. and Jo and the kid are moving to Edmonton until they get their visas. This means when we pack, we have to pack stuff that can stay in storage for up to a year, stuff that Jo and the kids will need over the next year in Edmonton, and then stuff that I will take with me to Vegas. You can't just throw it all in a box. When you move to the US you have to label and price every item in every box and have a manifest for it. So it feels like we are actually packing three different ways for this move: and yes, we are. Next, we have to be in Edmonton in time for the kids to get registered in school. This is extremely important since Branden and Skye are visually impaired and we need to know a lot about bus routes and class rooms and smart board technology before school starts. Next, we need to figure out how to physically move everything to Edmonton that Jo and the kids will need for this next year. They won't have access to the stuff in storage, so there will be a lot to move. Plus, I'll move stuff to Edmonton that I'll want in Vegas over the next year. Then, each time I fly up to Edmonton, I'll bring some of it back with me. Driving to Vegas isn't really an option since we have one car (which Jo and the kids need in Edmonton) and it is impossible to rent a car one-way into the US. Try it some time. You won't ever try it again. I'll buy a car in the US, but don't want to waste my time with my family by driving back and forth to Edmonton when I see them, when I could fly and save time (and probably money) and be able to spend more actual time with them. Wait, I'm not done yet. Now come all the details in filling out paperwork for the Visas. Form this and form that and form the other and each one is confusing and difficult to understand exactly what they are asking. It would seriously be quicker and easier to just go to the US and apply for asylum and say that we are afraid for our lives because if we return to Canada the winters will kill us.... This whole "bringing your wife of 21 years and your three children back to the United States because you are an American citizen with a good job will take you longer than someone from (insert foreign country of choice) who doesn't speak English, has not discernible trade or skill, but fears for his or her life" is ridiculous. I'm an American for crying out loud and I should be able to bring my family across the border with me without any problems. Oh, in the midst of all of this, I'm writing a sermon on the state of your heart. I think I need to check the state of my heart right about now :) All this stuff, all these details, all this frustration, will strangle your heart if you let it. There is anger over the immigration issue, there is guilt over being separated from my family, there is frustration over all the millions of details and things that need to get done - there are a million things that could come between my heart and Jo and my heart and God. Right now, I need to remind myself that God IS in the details, that He IS working in my life in this transition, and that this life isn't all there is. I'm reminded of Paul's words in Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." That is the only way I'm going to keep my heart safe.

1 month to go

I begin my new job on Sept 1. I have one month left with my family until the new journey begins. I know we should be packing and labeling and contacting moving companies and doing all those types of things, but last night I just wanted to watch a movie with my kids and they wanted to watch one with me too. So we watched King Arthur and afterwards sat around and debated how much of it might actually be accurate or at least more accurate than the legend. Afterwards Jo and I read the first chapter of Andy Stanley's book "Enemies of the Heart". We are going to read together over Skype once I am in Vegas. We still have no idea exactly how all of this will work or where I will live when I get down there. Jo and the kids will live with my folks in Edmonton and the kids will go to school there while they wait for their visas. I'm hoping to find a house sitting situation or perhaps someone who has an in-law suite they aren't using - somewhere I can live and save money to pay for the visa process. It is expensive. One more week of work. A few days of family vacation in Vancouver. Packing up the house. Moving the family to Edmonton. Driving to Vegas. That will be August.

How does one get to this point?

Stupid, stupid, stupid. This is what I kept saying to myself as Jo, the kids, and I drove back from the border on Monday. Let me explain. I'm an American. Jo and the kids are Canadian. In 1999 we moved to Las Vegas where I was a pastor at several churches over the next 8 years. Jo and the kids got their Green Cards. Life was good. Then I decided to get my M.A. at the University of Alberta. So, back to Canada we went. An M.A. turned into a PhD turned into working at a church in Canada while I tried to finish the dissertation. Then a church in Vegas called and said "come back". We heard the call of God and said "yes". What we failed to realize, however, was that after being out of the US for this long (6 years), Jo and the kids had lost their Green Cards and thanks to a trip to the border, we came face to face with the fact that if we had simply applied for their citizenship the last time we were in the US, they would now have it and we could all move back to Vegas together. As it stands right now, we have to begin the process of applying for Green Cards for them all over again AND they have to remain in Canada during this process. I have to move to Vegas to start work September 1, but they won't be able to join me for about a year. This blog is going to be a chronicle of living apart from my family for one year. We are still together for the next month as I finish out my last two weeks here at Kamloops Alliance Church, we pack up our house, and we figure out how to move, and then store, our belongings for up to one year. We discovered that we can't move any of our belongings across the border until my family have their visas. When I move next month, I can bring my own stuff, but nothing that belongs to the family. Immigration has changed since 9/11. There are of course bigger questions that this blog will attempt to address, questions about marriage and fatherhood and leadership and integrity. I have no doubt that this next year will challenge me in all of these areas. I'm sure I'll talk about trying to live healthfully, purely, fiscally, and a million other things that make up life: but this will be a life apart from my family.