Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Why I am disappointed, but not angry, with God and the US Immigration system

This month will mark 1 year that I have now been living apart from my family as we continue to navigate the immigration system in this country.
Initially, because I am an American, we wanted to believe it would be 4-6 months.
Later, when it became apparent that being an American citizen really doesn't get you much when it comes to immigration, we realized it would probably be more in the range of 6-10 months.
Now, with the latest miscue by the immigration department, it looks like it will be 12-14 months.

I know for Jo and the kids, as much as for me, this has been an emotional roller coaster ride.  When your application clears another hurdle you begin to think that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Every Skype conversation is tinged with the excitement that we might finally be together sooner rather than later.  Every trip back to Canada to see them feels like the last trip before I can bring them back with me.  Then, when you hit another roadblock, you begin to wonder if there will ever be an end to the journey.  Every Skype conversation is tinged with the disappointment of knowing we will be apart a little longer than we had expected.  Every trip back to Canada to see them comes with the sadness of knowing that we will only have a temporary visit and then we will be separated again, not knowing when the next trip will come.

It would be easy for me to become angry, especially with the immigration situation on our southern border and the seeming singular focus that our government and immigration department are putting on the illegal immigrants coming across the border, while seemingly ignoring or not caring how this slows down the process for those of us who are citizens and have legitimate immigration claims for our families.

It would be easy for me to become angry, or at least mildly displeased, with God for allowing me to get into a situation like this, if indeed He knows the end from the beginning and knew from the beginning that this immigration nightmare would last this long.  After all, if He knows everything that will ever happen, He knew all these illegal kids would get here right when they did, right when it would cause a delay to our application, and He did nothing about it.  

While I am disappointed in our current situation, I'm not angry.
Here is why.

First, I believe that little kids from war torn and violent crime ridden countries do deserve the opportunity for a fresh start.  Now, if you come here and you turn to crime and drugs to support yourself in our country, then you earn yourself a one-way ticket right back to where you came from. But if you come here and you work hard and get an education and become a healthy and productive member of society, than we did the right thing by allowing you in and giving you asylum.  I hate to see kids abused or without opportunities, and we should be giving these kids opportunities, while at the same time remembering that we still have people who are already citizens who shouldn't be forgotten about either.  So I'm not angry at our government for wanting to help these kids.  I'm just sad that it has made my separation from my family last longer than it needs to.  I know it is selfish.  I'm human.

Second, and more importantly, I believe in freedom of choice.  I believe God knows the outcome of every possible choice I can make in every situation and how every possible choice will lead to other choices and how each of those choices will lead to a given outcome, but he does not know which choice I will make, thus, He experiences my choices with me, in real time, and therefore I am truly free to make my own choices.  I can ask for His wisdom and guidance when making choices and if I am listening I believe He will guide me to make the best choices that lead to the best outcomes, but he won't force me to make a choice - I am free to do that on my own.  He then walks with me through the consequences of that choice, regardless of whether or not it was the choice He would have wished me to make or not.  Otherwise, God is responsible for this mess.  It is God's fault for allowing me to be separated for this long.  It's God's fault that immigration is so broken.  He knew all along what I was in for and did nothing about it, or worse, knew I was making a choice that would lead to this separation and chose not to answer my prayers for guidance in a way that would lead me away from this.  Or, He wanted me to go through this.  So God causes pain.  (Of course a good predestinarian would say He only causes pain because He uses it as a disciplining tool to make me better so I should be grateful that God loves me so much that He separated my family and I on purpose for an indeterminate amount of time to teach me a lesson).  With everything I know about God, I just can't get there.  This allows me to look at our immigration system for what it is: a flawed, broken, and human undertaking in the midst of a sinful and broken world.  This also allows me to see God for who He is - a God who loves me in the good and the bad, in the disappointment and the joy - who walks with me through every choice I make and allows me to experience the consequences of those choices.  This is a very simple explanation of a very complex theology (based on a specific way of interpreting and understanding the Biblical text), but it is what I absolutely believe and it is why I am not angry with God.

So I am disappointed that my family and I are caught in a broken immigration system.  I am disappointed that our time apart has been extended once again.  I am disappointed that a overworked and undertrained immigration customer service rep gave us false information that has caused us at least another two month delay.  I'm disappointed that the choice I made to come to Vegas has had such a negative impact on my family.  I'm disappointed that God didn't meet my expectations.

But at the end of the day I know that God is walking through this difficult time in my families life and that is enough.  I know that without God in our lives, we probably would not have survived this long apart.  I know He is walking with us, making it possible for us to survive one more day apart, keeping us connected and loving each other, and keeping us hopeful.  I know this because we are surviving, because we do still love each other, because we are still hopeful that we will get through this broken system eventually.  So, rather than blame God for it, I'm thankful He is with us in the midst of it.
 

  


Thursday, July 24, 2014

The Chaos and the Quiet


I am sitting in our staff room looking out over the Las Vegas valley.  I can see all the way from Mandalay Bay to the Stratosphere and up to Freemont Street.  Beyond that I can see the desert stretching out toward Hoover Dam to the east, Red Rock canyon to the west, and Mount Charleston to the north.  It is hot and the sun is shining.      

Not everyone likes the desert.
Not everyone likes Las Vegas.
I do.
I love them both.

I've never felt more at home than I do in this city.
I've never felt more at home than I do in the desert.

I love that I can be in the middle of the Venetian one moment, lost amidst the crowds, neon, music, entertainment, sights and sounds of chaos, and the next I can be alone in the middle of the desert, lost amidst the rocks and dirt, cactus and tumbleweeds, snakes and scorpions, sights and sounds of silence.

I need both.
That is how I am wired.
The day in and day out of sitting in an office doesn't work for me.
I don't think creatively or strategically surrounded by four walls all the time.
I often meet God in the middle of the casinos.
I often meet God alone in the desert.

At times I need to feel God at work in the chaos of this city to know that He is still at work in the chaos of my life.
At times I need to feel God at work in the quiet of the desert to know that even when I don't sense him or feel him or hear from him, I know He is still at work even when everything seems quiet.