This flood better not delay me

So there was this flood a few days ago just north of Vegas.  Apparently it wiped out a good chunk of the I-15 highway, the very same highway I must drive as I head north to get my family in just a few short weeks.
Here is a pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Here is another:

Here is how I feel about this:

Yes, this is not a picture of me, and yes it is my general feeling and what I need to be doing right now! I need to get on the phone to Utah and Nevada road crews and say very nicely, "Get to work road crews!  People, I need to be on the road and have clear and unrestricted access to Canada in a couple of weeks. I can't be forced to take an 8 hour detour.  Do you not understand?  I have a very attractive wife who I have not seen in a rather long time waiting for me at the end of this road, so do whatever you must do to have it open for me!  Thank you and have a wonderful day.  Jesus loves you." 

Light at the end of the tunnel

We are nearing the end of this journey.

Exactly one year and one day after I came to Vegas without my family, we received word from the National Visa Center that the last file had been officially approved and we could expect to hear in the near future about when our interview would be.

This has been a long journey, longer than we imagined.

It isn't over yet; we still have to wait for our interview date, fly to Montreal for the actual interview, get medicals done for Jo and the kids, and then actually drive down to Vegas; but we can see the light now.

In some respects this past year has gone by quicker than any year of my life.  Moving back to Vegas, becoming a pastor at a church I love, getting reacquainted with old friend, making new friends, learning to live without my family, all these things and many more have made the year fly by.

In other respects this year has been the longest of my life.  It is painful to say this, but I've been on my own for so long now that it is beginning to feel normal.  That fact, in and of itself, tells me how long this year has been.  The constant uncertainty of the visa journey has made the year feel overly long. With every small victory we thought the separation was over, only to have it extended.  When those defeats happened, the sadness of knowing we were going to be separated even longer made those next weeks seem like forever.

But now, finally, we can start thinking about the future again.  We can begin to dream about buying a house again, about making it a home, about living in it as a family again.  We can see our kids back on their educational and vocational journeys, no longer feeling as if they can't really enroll in college classes, or take on a new job, or date or make close friends because all along they've known their lives in Canada were only temporary.  

I feel like I'm reading the final chapter in a book.  I'm excited to see how it ends, but I have to be patient and finish reading each page.  These last pages have things to teach us.  These last days and weeks apart can still teach us things too.

And so I know, that even in these final weeks apart, there are still things for me to learn, still areas that I can grow in.  This year has taught me a lot about the husband and father and leader God wants me to be.  I need to be careful to still hear Him in these final weeks.  

Don't rush.

Even though I want to, even though I want to just skip to the end and read the last words and get my family down here, I have to wait.  Now that I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am impatient to escape the tunnel and live in the light, but I have to wait.  It is coming, but it isn't here yet.

You see, this year has taught me a lot about patience and now, so close to the end, is when I need to exercise it the most.  

   

So Near and Yet So Far

The Visa Center told me last week that Jo and Kyle and Braden are finished with the process and ready for the interview phase (the final phase) of this never ending Visa journey.  However, they also told me they didn't have the paperwork for my daughter Skye.

I told them I had a confirmation email and confirmation number from them confirming they, in fact, did have the paperwork.  They have had it since May.

They looked up the number I gave them.  I was right.  They were wrong.  Again.

They said they would "expedite" Skye's file so that our family could get in line for the interview, since they send the whole family for the interview at the same time and once again, their mistake was holding us up.

That was one week ago.

I have called every day.

Still nothing.

What does "expedite" mean anyway?

Just curious.

Now that we are this close, it is hard to still feel like it is still so far away.  

Even though we have waited a year, this last month or two will feel longer.

Then and Now

This journey is teaching me something about myself.  Every great journey does.
I am continuing to learn about the man I am and the man I am becoming.

Last week I was down at the Forum Shops in Caesars Palace.  I was all alone in the middle of thousands of people in the middle of a city built on pleasure and indulgence, on the motto that "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."  This is a city where people come for a week or a weekend to get away from their normal lives, to live out their fantasies, to do all the things they can't do on a daily or weekly basis in their normal lives, and then to leave it all behind and go back to their normal lives.

As I watched the people walking by me, it occurred to me that in my present situation, it would be very easy for me to "get away" with just about anything I wanted.  For a moment that scared me, and then it passed because this year apart from my wife and children has taught me a few things about myself.

The journey is teaching me and I am listening.

In my past life I would have indulged.  In fact, I know I would not have survived a place like Vegas in my teens and early 20s.  (I almost didn't survive it the first time in my 30s - but that is another story).  I would have gone searching for every experience until I found it.  I would have left no dark corner undisturbed.

But that is no longer the man that I am.
Some of what I have learned simply comes with age and experience.
Some of what I have learned comes from the community I find myself part of these days as well as the community I have experienced over the past several years.
But most of what I have learned comes from the fact that I am continuing to seek out a deeper knowledge of God.

And so, these are a few of the things I am continuing to learn about the man I am.

A very special woman has placed her heart in my care.  She has given me something that is worth more than all the money in the world: her love.  She trusted me above everyone else to be the one to love her and take care of her.  She trusted me with herself.  And although I have not always been as careful with it as I should have been, this year apart has made me remember in every detail how special, awesome, fragile and worth protecting, true love is. If it is possible, I have fallen in love with her all over again.

Together, my wife and I created three very amazing children.  They are all in their late teens and early twenties now, and although they might not admit it, I feel that they still look to me in some way, to see how I handle difficulty, uncertainty, disappointment, and separation.  The men and women they will become will be modeled, in some part, on how I treat them as a father, and the example I show them regarding how to love their spouse and how to have a genuine relationship with God.  In the past I have not always modeled this well, but this year apart has made me remember how important it is that I am someone who they can be proud of and look up to; someone they can come to when things are difficult, someone who they can celebrate with when things are going well, and most importantly someone who they know without a doubt loves them and supports them no matter what.

I am still learning to be comfortable in my own skin.  I hear stories about people who have known since elementary school what they wanted to do with their lives, who knew from day one what they were good at and pursued it with single-minded determination.  If that is you, you are lucky.  It has not been my experience.  I have found joy and excitement in so many different things and I have also experienced profound disappointment in those very same things.  I have always struggled between the academic and the artistic and it has only been recently that I have begun to find a level of comfort embracing both and dividing my time between both pursuits.  I also have come to realize that without either one in my life I would be incomplete.

And so I smiled to myself, got up, walked back out onto the Strip, finished walking to where I had parked, and drove home to finish preparing my message for that weekend's services. Then I got on Skype with my wife and kids and reminded them how much I loved them and was reminded how much they loved me.  Later I took time to relax while I finish working on a song I am writing, and finally I went to the gym and ended the day with a good workout.  25 years ago I would have considered that to be the most boring evening in the history of mankind.  Today, I am thankful for the opportunity.      

   

Why I am disappointed, but not angry, with God and the US Immigration system

This month will mark 1 year that I have now been living apart from my family as we continue to navigate the immigration system in this country.
Initially, because I am an American, we wanted to believe it would be 4-6 months.
Later, when it became apparent that being an American citizen really doesn't get you much when it comes to immigration, we realized it would probably be more in the range of 6-10 months.
Now, with the latest miscue by the immigration department, it looks like it will be 12-14 months.

I know for Jo and the kids, as much as for me, this has been an emotional roller coaster ride.  When your application clears another hurdle you begin to think that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Every Skype conversation is tinged with the excitement that we might finally be together sooner rather than later.  Every trip back to Canada to see them feels like the last trip before I can bring them back with me.  Then, when you hit another roadblock, you begin to wonder if there will ever be an end to the journey.  Every Skype conversation is tinged with the disappointment of knowing we will be apart a little longer than we had expected.  Every trip back to Canada to see them comes with the sadness of knowing that we will only have a temporary visit and then we will be separated again, not knowing when the next trip will come.

It would be easy for me to become angry, especially with the immigration situation on our southern border and the seeming singular focus that our government and immigration department are putting on the illegal immigrants coming across the border, while seemingly ignoring or not caring how this slows down the process for those of us who are citizens and have legitimate immigration claims for our families.

It would be easy for me to become angry, or at least mildly displeased, with God for allowing me to get into a situation like this, if indeed He knows the end from the beginning and knew from the beginning that this immigration nightmare would last this long.  After all, if He knows everything that will ever happen, He knew all these illegal kids would get here right when they did, right when it would cause a delay to our application, and He did nothing about it.  

While I am disappointed in our current situation, I'm not angry.
Here is why.

First, I believe that little kids from war torn and violent crime ridden countries do deserve the opportunity for a fresh start.  Now, if you come here and you turn to crime and drugs to support yourself in our country, then you earn yourself a one-way ticket right back to where you came from. But if you come here and you work hard and get an education and become a healthy and productive member of society, than we did the right thing by allowing you in and giving you asylum.  I hate to see kids abused or without opportunities, and we should be giving these kids opportunities, while at the same time remembering that we still have people who are already citizens who shouldn't be forgotten about either.  So I'm not angry at our government for wanting to help these kids.  I'm just sad that it has made my separation from my family last longer than it needs to.  I know it is selfish.  I'm human.

Second, and more importantly, I believe in freedom of choice.  I believe God knows the outcome of every possible choice I can make in every situation and how every possible choice will lead to other choices and how each of those choices will lead to a given outcome, but he does not know which choice I will make, thus, He experiences my choices with me, in real time, and therefore I am truly free to make my own choices.  I can ask for His wisdom and guidance when making choices and if I am listening I believe He will guide me to make the best choices that lead to the best outcomes, but he won't force me to make a choice - I am free to do that on my own.  He then walks with me through the consequences of that choice, regardless of whether or not it was the choice He would have wished me to make or not.  Otherwise, God is responsible for this mess.  It is God's fault for allowing me to be separated for this long.  It's God's fault that immigration is so broken.  He knew all along what I was in for and did nothing about it, or worse, knew I was making a choice that would lead to this separation and chose not to answer my prayers for guidance in a way that would lead me away from this.  Or, He wanted me to go through this.  So God causes pain.  (Of course a good predestinarian would say He only causes pain because He uses it as a disciplining tool to make me better so I should be grateful that God loves me so much that He separated my family and I on purpose for an indeterminate amount of time to teach me a lesson).  With everything I know about God, I just can't get there.  This allows me to look at our immigration system for what it is: a flawed, broken, and human undertaking in the midst of a sinful and broken world.  This also allows me to see God for who He is - a God who loves me in the good and the bad, in the disappointment and the joy - who walks with me through every choice I make and allows me to experience the consequences of those choices.  This is a very simple explanation of a very complex theology (based on a specific way of interpreting and understanding the Biblical text), but it is what I absolutely believe and it is why I am not angry with God.

So I am disappointed that my family and I are caught in a broken immigration system.  I am disappointed that our time apart has been extended once again.  I am disappointed that a overworked and undertrained immigration customer service rep gave us false information that has caused us at least another two month delay.  I'm disappointed that the choice I made to come to Vegas has had such a negative impact on my family.  I'm disappointed that God didn't meet my expectations.

But at the end of the day I know that God is walking through this difficult time in my families life and that is enough.  I know that without God in our lives, we probably would not have survived this long apart.  I know He is walking with us, making it possible for us to survive one more day apart, keeping us connected and loving each other, and keeping us hopeful.  I know this because we are surviving, because we do still love each other, because we are still hopeful that we will get through this broken system eventually.  So, rather than blame God for it, I'm thankful He is with us in the midst of it.
 

  

The Chaos and the Quiet

I am sitting in our staff room looking out over the Las Vegas valley.  I can see all the way from Mandalay Bay to the Stratosphere and up to Freemont Street.  Beyond that I can see the desert stretching out toward Hoover Dam to the east, Red Rock canyon to the west, and Mount Charleston to the north.  It is hot and the sun is shining.      

Not everyone likes the desert.
Not everyone likes Las Vegas.
I do.
I love them both.

I've never felt more at home than I do in this city.
I've never felt more at home than I do in the desert.

I love that I can be in the middle of the Venetian one moment, lost amidst the crowds, neon, music, entertainment, sights and sounds of chaos, and the next I can be alone in the middle of the desert, lost amidst the rocks and dirt, cactus and tumbleweeds, snakes and scorpions, sights and sounds of silence.

I need both.
That is how I am wired.
The day in and day out of sitting in an office doesn't work for me.
I don't think creatively or strategically surrounded by four walls all the time.
I often meet God in the middle of the casinos.
I often meet God alone in the desert.

At times I need to feel God at work in the chaos of this city to know that He is still at work in the chaos of my life.
At times I need to feel God at work in the quiet of the desert to know that even when I don't sense him or feel him or hear from him, I know He is still at work even when everything seems quiet.







 

And then it just becomes stupid

Got an email today from the brilliant minds over at the National Visa Center.  Apparently when we turned in our applications, we didn't submit the last page, the page that says to only fill it in if someone other than you yourself filled in the application.  Since I filled in the applications, silly me, I didn't fill in that final page, nor did I submit it with the package, since the entire page was blank.

I was told today, after yet another half hour wait on the phone, that I was supposed to submit the blank final page, with nothing on it, and that because I did not, I would need to resubmit everything again. So, download new forms, fill them in again, rescan them, rescan all the supporting documents, and resubmit them, this time with the blank 9th page, that will have no new information on it, nothing on it, it will be blank.

And now, I really understand why our immigration system is so fatally flawed down here.  When a US citizen can't get his wife and kids into the country to live with him after a year, because of a blank page, and yet people from everywhere else can just walk illegally over the boarder...

This could mean months more of separation.
Maybe its time to just bring them in illegally, like everyone else, I mean why the hell not?  It seems like it would be a lot cheaper, a lot quicker, and we'd have a better outcome at the end without all the hassle of trying to do things the right way.

Thank you America.  You have failed me.
Forward this blog on to your senator, your representative, your congressman, but I bet it won't do any good.
Apparently I need to be an illegal immigrant who just says "to hell with your system and procedures" before I get anything at all to happen down here.

Boredom

There really is an "end" to the internet.  I've seen every good (and bad) movie on Netflix.  I'm tired of ESPN and Sports Center highlights.  I've wandered aimlessly through shopping malls and along mountain trails for long enough.  I am sick and tired of updating my Facebook and Twitter status.  I have absolutely no interest in making another meal for one person.

I am bored out of my freaking mind.

Not that there isn't enough work today.  Trust me, I would work a lot more if there was more to do.  At some point all the work is done and you are left surfing youtube for funny videos about cats or roasts of your favorite actor or upcoming trailers for movies or new songs to learn or....

When you are bored it is easy to get in trouble or to get lazy.  I guess that is why so many people take up hobbies.  I don't have a hobby.  Not that it isn't cool for some people, but stamp or coin collecting, or collecting anything really, just never appealed to me.  Neither does wood work or knitting or fixing up old cars or painting.

I play guitar, piano and write songs for a living, so learning a musical instrument isn't really high up on the list of "new" things to do.

I go to the gym, but I refuse to live at the gym.  (Actually now that I think about it, I wonder if some of those huge guys who do almost live at the gym are as bored as I am and they have chosen the gym as the way to deal with it)

I could take Karate (again) but seriously, I'm 44.  I'd probably break something...important.  Like numerous parts of my body.

Maybe this is when guys my age go through their "mid-life crisis" and buy a sports car and a new wife. I just bought a mini-van and I have a gorgeous wife already.

I already went back to school (which is what my wife labels as my mid life crisis).

I've begun working on becoming an ordained minister within my denomination, a rather monumental task when I compare my tribe with just about every other denomination and church I know.  There are a lot of books to read, a lot of reports to write, exams to prepare for, and conferences to attend.  This takes away some of the "spare" time, but it does not eliminate it.

I know, however, that this boredom is especially noticeable because I am living in Vegas while Jo and the kids are living 3,000 miles away waiting for their green cards so that we can be together again and we've been like this for 10 months now and so inevitably (usually on my days off), I find myself aimless and alone and to be honest I am bored of being bored.

I am bored of writing blog updates about how bored I am.
And yet, this is an honest part of what it is like to live apart for a year.


           

The Airport

I flew back to Vegas from Edmonton for the last time Thursday.  This was my last trip up to see the family before I drive up to pick them up, go to our interview, and then drive back "home" to Vegas.  It was bitter sweet (not really).  The Edmonton airport has become like a third home to me (actually not in a million years).
While I was back in Edmonton this time we received approval from the Immigration Office to submit our applications, paperwork, and supporting documents electronically, so we spent most of this past week scanning document after document and attaching them to emails in the proper order with the proper file names.
We are now finished everything that we can do on our side and so we wait for the Government to tell us when our interviews will be.

As I approached the Immigration officer at the airport for the last time he asked me the usual questions about why I was in Canada and I told him my story, and that is when things got interesting.  I quote our conversation as best as I can remember it.

Officer:  What stage of the process are you guys in?
Me (wanting to sound professional):  We just finished the I-864 and DS-260.
Officer: Have you done the I-130?
Me: A few months ago
Officer:  I just got the I-130 approval for my wife who is also Canadian.  We were hoping we were almost done.
Me:  I wish.  There is still a bunch of stuff to do before the interviews in Montreal.
Officer:  Montreal?
Me:  Only place in Canada that does interviews.
Officer (slamming my passport down on the table and pushing himself back in his chair): &@*!$
Me:  Exactly.
Officer: I can't go to Vancouver or Calgary?
Me: No, the government closed down those consulates ability to do interviews.
Officer: That sucks.

At this point I am suddenly aware that there is a line up of people behind me waiting to go through immigration who are now shuffling their feet and whispering nervously as it appears I am about to be arrested, or at best, am never going to be allowed into the U.S. because it looks like the Immigration officer and I are having an argument about something and IT IS NEVER GOOD TO ARGUE WITH IMMIGRATION OFFICERS.....EVER!!!

Me:  Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Officer:  No, actually you've been a big help.  Hope everything goes smooth for you and the family and you are back together soon.  Have a great day.
Me:  Good luck buddy.

We shake hands and I leave.  The Immigration officer calls the next person, who I can tell is longingly looking at the other Immigration officers and wishing to God they had been called by any other officer and the not the guy who just looked like he tore a strip off of me.

As I walked into the waiting area I was keenly aware of how that officer felt.  You keep thinking this process is almost over and then...WHAM!!! something else pops up to slow you down.

So I say this with my fingers and toes crossed:  I think we are almost done the process.  (I just knocked on wood).  I can say with all confidence that we are ready to be done.  We are ready to be a family again.  This separation thing sucks.

Home

I've been a gypsy most of my life.  Born in Boston, missionary kid in Asia, back and forth between Canada and the United States most of my adult life.  The concept of "home" for me is very fluid.  It tends to be wherever I am living at the moment.  When people ask me where I am from I usually answer with my current location, to which they reply "you've lived in Vegas your whole life?"  To which I reply "no" to which they reply "so where are you from?" To which I reply "Vegas" to which they reply...well, I think you get the idea.

Right now I am back in Canada visiting Jo and the kids for what will hopefully be the last time before I am able to actually come back here and pick them up and bring them back to Vegas with me permanently. Every morning as I wake up next to Jo and see her sleeping I am reminded that home is where she is. It isn't a house or a city.  It isn't a country.  My home is where my wife is.

In the same way I am a gypsy on this earth.  My true home is where my God is.  Every time I read His Word, connect with Him in a moment of worship, hear His voice in a lyric or melody, sense His presence as I gaze at the stars at night, I am reminded that where I live right now is just an address, its just a location in a city on a planet far away from my true home.  

I am a gypsy, but someday I will be home.  

I imagine, at times, that God is looking down at all of us on this earth and saying to himself "I can't wait until I can go down there and bring them back home with me."

I know it because I feel the same way about Jo and the kids who I love with all that I am and because I know that Jesus loves us with all that He is too.

Home is where the ones you love and the ones who love you are together.  That is what I want most in this life and the next.

From Painfully Slow to Extremely Fast

That about says it all.
Months and months of nothing.
Wondering if we were ever going to be back together.
Thinking that perhaps the year of living apart might actually turn into 18 months or 2 years.

But then, just when you are about ready to go postal on someone, you get an email and suddenly everything starts happening all at once.

Case numbers have been assigned.  Paperwork is on its way.  We can now sign up to deliver everything electronically, taking weeks off of the process.  I can pay the fees that will get us one step closer to the interview.

Perhaps the most amazing thing in all of this has to do with what Jo and I can only see as a "God thing" and not a coincidence.

Part of the paperwork we can now submit includes criminal background checks from everywhere Jo and the kids have lived.  For Jo, this meant England.  Getting a police background check from England, when you haven't lived there for years, and you now live far away can take weeks, and was the one thing that was going to potentially slow us down the most.

Everyone Jo talked to said it would take a minimum of 3 weeks and could take longer.

Jo got it in two days.  2 Days!!!!

It is already being couriered back to her as I write this.  Once she receives it, she can put it in the file and send it and then we are waiting for interview dates.

All of this makes me stop and think about how I relate to God.  At times, often if I am honest, I think God isn't doing anything because I don't see anything happening.  It is at these times I need to remember that God is always working behind the scenes.  Just because I can't see it with my limited human eyesight, does not mean God is also limited.

This is hard to do.  Especially when life is unfair, when good things happen to bad people or when bad things happen to good people.  At times I wonder if God is working at all.  Then days like this happen and I remember that He is God and I am not.  That I live in a sinful, human world and the consequences of living in this world are not always pretty.  They are not always fair or right.

But the end is coming, and when it comes, it will come fast.  God will set everything right.  He will make everything work together for good for those who love God.

Until that day, I have to do the best I can to remember this.

And then something good happened

So we are in the "final" phase of this Immigration journey (nightmare), whatever that means.  Despite the fact that it has taken over eight months, despite the fact that my daughter's file has mysteriously gotten separated from Jo's file and the boy's files and is weeks ahead of theirs in the process, despite these and a million other small, tiny, details, there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

We still don't know when exactly we will get an interview date, or as of yet, what forms the government will require us to file before that interview date, but, but, but, but, at least we are in the phase where they now ask for all these documents, meaning the end is near (ish).

One of the things the government will ask for are my tax transcripts for the past few years.  The only problem with this is that I have been living out of the country for several years and so have only recently filed all of my back taxes for the years I lived outside the US (don't ask, it is a long story and very convoluted and confusing - which is why I am not going to bother you with all the dark and mysterious details).

I tried to order the transcripts online.  The IRS website locked me out.  I was not happy.
I tried mailing in transcript requests.  They said I would hear from them in ten business days.  I waited. Ten days came and went.  Twenty days.  Nothing.  I was not happy.
The IRS website does not contain a phone number where you can call and ask for transcripts.  You must show up at an IRS office with proper identification.

A trip to the Las Vegas IRS office was in my future.  I was not looking forward to it.  I've been to government offices before.  I took my ipad, my ipod, my phone, a case of water, food for several days, a sleeping bag and a pillow.  I said "Good-bye" to my co-workers and told them I was hoping to be back at work within 3-5 business days.  I took enough money to pay for parking for a week.  I was expecting the usual bureaucratic, red-tape, long lines, and hassle that accompany most government offices.

And then something good happened.

The IRS office was fast, efficient, pleasant, not overcrowded, clean, and a down right enjoyable experience.  The ladies who worked there were friendly, they took care of me, got me all the documents I needed, didn't charge me for anything, and best of all, I was in and out in less than one hour.

One hour people!  At the IRS.  Less than 2 weeks after tax season when everyone should be down there crying and moaning and whining and fighting about their tax returns.  But not today.  Today, the IRS was like a little piece of paradise.  And I'm not even lying.

Now, if I could just get Immigration to take a lesson from them, we'd be done this whole thing tomorrow and Jo and the kids would be down here in no time.

But for today, I will be thankful when something good happens.  Today, something good did.

Thanks Las Vegas IRS office.  You were awesome.

Today is Saturday

My life right now is like a giant Saturday.  Like 'the' giant Saturday.  The one between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.  A day of waiting.

When Jesus died it was the darkest day in the lives of his disciples.  The Bible is very clear that they did not fully understand that He was going to be crucified on Friday and then rise from the dead on Sunday.  When Joseph and the Roman soldiers put Jesus' body in the tomb the disciples thought it was over.  There was only darkness for them.  The disciples were waiting; perhaps for the Roman soldiers and Jewish leaders to come and arrest them; perhaps for a miracle; perhaps for everything to quiet down so they could quietly return to their lives as fishermen and tax collectors.

But on that Saturday as they waited, they didn't know what we know.  They hadn't experienced the Sunday that we look back on and celebrate.  They still had to wait, and they weren't sure exactly what they were waiting for.  They only knew that Sunday was coming, and with it, God-knows-what.

I feel like that as a modern-day disciple.  For me, every day since Jesus rose from the dead and went back to heaven is like another day of waiting.  Waiting for His return.  Waiting for everything that is wrong in the world to be made right.  Waiting for all His promises to come true.  It's just that I've been waiting a long, long, time.

The world has been waiting a long time.  Over 2,000 years.  No wonder so many people have forgotten or no longer care.  Absence, apparently, does not always make the heart grow fonder.

But there are some of us who have not forgotten.  There are some of us, the rebellious, the dreamers, who still wait.  We know He said He would come back again, but we have no idea what that will look like or when that will happen.

Sunday is coming, but it is a long way off and the picture is really blurry.  Perhaps I will die and the next thing I see will be Heaven.  Perhaps one day the rapture will happen and I'll suddenly find myself in a better place; a perfect place.  Perhaps the clouds will suddenly role back and the little cloud will appear and every eye will see Him as He returns on the clouds.  Maybe He will rule this world for 1,000 years of peace.  Maybe He will take the Saints to heaven for 1,000 years of peace will the earth is made new.  I can imagine, but that is all it is right now because the Bible is clear that no eye has seen and no mind has even come close to imagining the beautify and perfection of heaven.

But all of that is Sunday, and today is Saturday.
The hardest day of all.  The day of waiting.
The challenge disciples throughout the ages have faced is no different than the challenge faced by Peter, James, John, and the others on that Saturday so long ago.

Don't give up.
The weekend isn't over yet.
Sunday is coming and you won't believe what He has in store for you.
It will be worth the wait.

 

6 weeks, 42 days, 1008 hours

6 weeks.  42 days.  1008 hours.
This is how long it will be until I see my family again.  As I was sitting on the plane yesterday, flying back to Vegas after spending a short week with Jo and the kids, the thought of 6 weeks away from them again was a little overwhelming.  Remember, we've been doing this for 8 months now, so in the past 8 months, I've spent about 6 total weeks with them.
6 weeks seems like a long time.
So I started thinking in terms of days.  42 days until I see them again.
That doesn't seem quite so bad.  For some reason the thought of days instead of weeks seems less daunting.  One day at a time.
Then I started thinking in terms of hours.  1008 hours until I see them again.  My flight was three hours, I'll sleep for 8 hours, so already I'm down to under 1000 hours.  That was easy.  Well not really, but thinking in terms of hours makes it go so much faster, at least in my head.

Maybe that is why Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow.  Don't let the enormity of life get to you. Think in terms of the here and now, of the day you are in, of the hour that you have right now.  Enjoy this hour, live this hour, love this hour, believe this hour.  You are only responsible for this hour.

What will you do with this hour?  I know I've wasted many many hours of my life.  I don't want to waste any more.


 

Immigration is a strange and confusing world

So a few weeks ago I got confirmation that the first of our four immigration files had been approved. Naturally I assumed that the others would be following in the next day or so.
So I waited
And waited
A week went by
I called immigration
"Your call is very important to us, your file is within normal processing times, please be patient."
Patience is not one of MY virtues.
God is teaching it to me, with a big stick, again and again.

Two weeks later we got the remaining three confirmations, along with a notice that the first of the four files, the one that had originally been the only approved file, was now back in "decision pending" status.  Now we had three files approved and one not approved.

I can't make this stuff up.

So I waited
And waited
A week went by
I called immigration
"Your call is very import...."  I hung up.  I knew the drill.
Did I mention I am still learning patience?

Yesterday all four files were back in the "decision pending" status.  Yet, I have an email confirming that all four of them were, at one point in the past week or two, all in the "post decision: approved" phase.

Immigration is a strange and confusing world to navigate.
What does it all mean?
No one can tell me.
What they can tell me is "be patient"

I've been patient for 7 months.

Can we please get our immigration system fixed?!

For all I know they are still all approved and moving forward and I have simply experienced a glitch in the matrix.  Or not.  Or I'll get a letter in a week telling me what the next steps are.  Or not.  Or I'll get an email telling me when and where to appear with my family to pick up their green cards.  Or not.

The one thing I do know is this:  My call is very important to them.  Our files are within normal processing times.  Please be patient.

(This post contains no foul language.  This is me being patient and calm)

Getting Away

After preaching this past weekend I realized that I, like many pastors, am great at giving advice but not so good at taking my own advice.
In the busyness of life it is often difficult to take time out of our lives; to meditate on the great mysteries of God.  Often when we face difficult decisions, are going through trial, or are feeling overwhelmed, rather than seeking solitude with God, we tend to push things aside, work longer, and fill up our days with worry and stress over whatever the situation is, rather than spending time seeking God.  Even when there is no apparent or imminent stressful situations in our lives, we still need to spend time with God, and so often we do not.
At our church we are supposed to take one day a month as a spiritual retreat day.  At previous churches I have pastored we have done this, but since coming back to Vegas I have not seemed to be able to find the time to do this with any consistency.
So yesterday I cut out of work early, booked a hotel room outside of town, threw my bible and an extra change of clothes in a bag and set off.
I must admit that in my current state of semi-singleness, it is easier for me to do this than it is for those who are living with their spouses and children.  Often in that situation, a spouse has to plan these days well in advance, but currently I am a little bit freer to do this, so I did.
I spent several hours wandering the desert, hiking to a rocky outcropping, sitting in silence watching the highway far in the distance, just letting God speak into my soul.
Later that night after it was too dark to be out in the desert alone (without a gun) I sat in my hotel room and began to read through Romans and then Galatians.
It is amazing how much clearer the Bible becomes when you read it after spending time in solitude, when your mind is clearer, when you are not constantly focused on the next "thing" to be done.
I slept well that night, was up early this a.m., and back at my desk feeling much better and far more focused than I have for a few weeks.

Don't disengage with the spiritual disciplines of solitude, silence, meditation, and Bible reading.  Do whatever you need to do to create the physical, emotional, and mental space for God to reveal His Word and His plans to you.

This is one of the first steps to deeper discipleship.  

First approval

First it was more than a year.

Then it was 1-6 months but at least the files were being reviewed.

Now, today, we have the first of our approvals.  Exactly one week after being transferred to the California office, I got an email saying that the gov't has approved my family's applications for immigration. 

There are still a few more steps, but this was the biggest hurdle.  The first of the four files (one for each family member) was approved last night.  I'm expecting the other three today or Monday.  

That little light at the end of the dark tunnel just got really really bright.

Thank you everyone for your prayers.  Now, to get them here by Easter......

Hashtags

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57dzaMaouXA

(click on this link before you read this blog! It will open the doors of social media reality - not really, but it will, seriously #word #JT #Fallon #Latenight)

When I first heard about Twitter I thought it was stupid #forreal

Everyone talking about their "peeps" sounded stupid #realtalk

I had Facebook and Myspace and life was good #Ididn'tknowthenwhatIknownow

But slowly the power of the dark side drew me in #youdon'tknowthepowerofthedarkside #theforce #darthvader #starwarsrocks #epic #spoileralertvaderisluke'sfather #spoileralert2lukeandleiaarebrotherandsister

Twitter was faster, easier to use, and forced me to think about what I was going to post because I only had 140 characters #ifeeltheneedforspeed #topgun #tomcruiseisascientologist #thatsucks #ineverreadsuperlongfacebooksposts

As I began to use Twitter I discovered hashtags #hashtags

Hashtags allow you to connect with other people on Twitter who are talking (technically tweeting) about the same thing that you are #community #greattvshow #thislastseasonhasn'tbeenverygood #imho

Hashtags do NOT belong in the real world (as evidenced by the great video at the top of the blog) and this blog is NOT a study on how to use them correctly #doasIsaynotasIdo #sarcasticblog

Hashtags do not belong on Facebook (unless your Twitter account automatically links to Facebook) #ifyouonlyhaveFacebookpleasestopusinghashtags

So please use hashtags responsibly #withgreatpowercomesgreatresponsibility #spiderman #greatmovie #tobymcguire

Like me #me #likeme #Tim #word

Movement

Got back from Canada on Thursday night and checked my email.  First thing I saw was a letter from Immigration informing me that our files had been moved to a new office for faster processing.
Monday morning I met with an immigration officer here in Las Vegas and was told that our files are now in Laguna California and that we can expect an approval in 1 - 6 months.

We are praying for one month.

I will still need to return to Canada and take my family for the formal interviews at the US consulate before they can join me, but we see a small speck of light at the end of what has been, and still is, a very long and dark tunnel.

In the midst of darkness, any light, no matter how small or far away, is good.

In other news, my daughter thinks I am an old man trying to be hip and young because I occasionally use hashtags in my tweets.  But this is a topic to be dealt with on another day.  Trust me, I will deal with it.
#itison
#daddyversesdaughter
#imnotold
#wellsortofold  

Could a year apart turn into something longer?

I would really like to start this blog with a series of four letter words (and some longer words too) that describe exactly how I feel about our immigration system down here in the good old USA.  But I won't.

Here is the recap (in case you accidentally stumbled on to this blog and have no idea what in the world is going on in our lives)

I'm an American with dual Canadian citizenship.  Born in Boston.  Lived all over the world.  Met my wife in Canada where we were both going to school.

My wife is Canadian with dual British citizenship.  Born in Canada.  Lived all over the world.

We had three children while we were in school.  They all have Canadian citizenship.  Because of my gypsy lifestyle I did not have enough consecutive years of living in the United States to apply for them to become US citizens when they were born.

In 1999 I moved my entire family to Las Vegas where we lived until 2007.  During this time my wife and children all received their green cards and their Landed Permanent Residence status.  My wife owned her own Real Estate appraisal business.  We bought two houses.

In 2007 I returned to Canada to pursue post graduate work under a specific professor.  My family went with me (naturally).

In 2010 I was invited to New York to give a presentation on my research.  My wife came with me.  It was a mini vacation.  We got detained at the airport and my wife was told that because she had been out of the US for longer than 1 year, she had lost her green card and the United States now considered her to have "abandoned her status".  Same with the kids.  We were floored.  We had no idea.  Nobody told us that Green Cards were like milk and had an expiry date.

In 2013 I accepted a job back in Las Vegas.  We were told we would have to reapply for Green Cards for my wife and kids again and that until the Green Cards were approved, I could live and work in Vegas but Jo and the kids would have to remain in Canada.  They told us it could take up to nine months.

Yesterday I was on the phone with Immigration.  They told me that they are so backlogged that it will be nine months before they even begin to look at our case.  THEY HAVEN'T EVEN OPENED OUR FILE YET!!  It has been six months and this whole time we are thinking that in a couple of months we will get the immigration decision and the green cards and be back together.

I suppose I could get really angry at this point.  I guess I am.  But more than that I am disappointed.
I'm really disappointed in an immigration system that is so broken that an American citizen, married 22 years with grown children, can't get his family across the border.  I'm disappointed in an Immigration system that is supposed to work for its citizens, but is so hopelessly broken and backlogged, that citizens are forced to live separated from their families for what could very easily now become much longer than one year.

The past six months have been tough, but they were a little easier thinking that it was almost over, that the end was in sight. We've endured six months of separation, we can handle three more.  Now, it appears we have absolutely no time frame and no idea how long this process will take.

Could we be apart for one year?  Eighteen months?  Two years?
How does that affect family dynamics?  How does that affect my ability to be a good husband and father?  How much longer can I continue to effectively pastor a church while my family, my biggest ministry, is effectively neglected in another country?

Ultimately we believe God is still in control and that one truth will give us some measure of peace as we figure out how to navigate this newest piece of news.  At this point that is all we have.  But it will be enough.



 

I did not do anything right

I was not a great kid.  I was a horrible teenager.  As a young adult I was a mess.  If you knew me in my late teens and early twenties you are probably wondering how it is that I am still alive, still have a semi-functional brain, and for certain are wondering what in the world I am doing as a minister of the gospel of Jesus.  I wonder all of those things too.

I do not deserve the life I have now.  I do not deserve the family I have.  I do not deserve the love of God or the privilege of being a minister.  But I have these things and I know they are a gift from God.

For a guy like me, with my past, to have a beautiful, faithful, wonderful wife is beyond my comprehension.  I do not deserve her. I did nothing in my past that would make me say "I've been a good moral upstanding young man who loves Jesus and deserves a wife who will be his best friend." If anything it was the exact opposite.  Yet, here I am today, married 21 (almost 22) years to my best friend.  

I did not do anything right, yet God blessed me with Jo.  I wouldn't trade her for the world.

For a son like me, with my past, to have intelligent, focused, beautiful, loving kids is beyond my comprehension.  I do not deserve them.  My kids are all wonderful.  I'm not just saying that.  We actually like each other.  We get along.  I dare say we love each other.  They are 17, 18, and 19, and we still enjoy hanging out together.  We miss each other during this separation.  Every time I read my daughter's blogs, listen to my son play bass, or talk to my other son about his education and future plans I am reminded of how completely undeserving and yet how blessed I am.  I deserve kids who sleep around and do drugs and run away from home.  Yet, here I am today, with the three most awesome kids in the entire world.

I did not do anything right, yet God blessed me with Kyle, Skye, and Braden. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

In the same way, I do not deserve eternal life.  But, I dedicated my life to following a rabbi over 20 years ago.  I have not even been close to following him perfectly.  There have been seasons where I have gotten far off track and ended up following my own passions and desires.  Sometimes I wonder if He looks over His shoulder and says "Where is that guy?  Not again...."  

And yet, because I said "Yes" to him all those years ago, He hasn't abandoned me.  He hasn't let me get too far off track.  I live with the consequences of some of my choices, but I am still a follower, and I still know that when this life ends, a better eternity is waiting.

I did not do anything right, yet God blessed me with eternal life.  I'm living in the early stages of that life right now.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I wouldn't trade my rabbi for the world. 

Trust

Trust.  So necessary for relationships and yet so fragile.  Once broken, trust is one of the hardest things to heal, because at the core of all broken relationships is broken trust.

I trusted you with my heart and you broke it.
I trusted you with this job and you destroyed my company.
I trusted you to keep a secret and you told everyone.
I trusted you with our finances and you stole all our money.
I trusted you to be my friend and you betrayed me.

Everyone I know has a story of when and how their trust was betrayed.  I have been the betrayer and I have also been betrayed.  I have broken other people's trust in me and I've had other people break my trust in them.  Yet, if we don't trust people, we will never be in authentic relationships with them.

Jesus says we are to trust Him and be in relationship with Him and often when we get hurt by the church we think that Jesus has broken our trust.  Then we turn our backs on God altogether because we've been hurt by religion.

I want to tell you something that we all know:  The church is not Jesus.
I'm a pastor at a church and I know this all too well.
We don't always get it right.  Sometimes we get it wrong.  The church is made up of sinful, hurting, broken people who are trying our best to follow our Teacher and live out His teachings in our lives. That is our mission.  Sometimes we forget our mission.

So, if and when we do break your trust, please know two things:

First, not all of us meant to break your trust.  I know there are some religious people who are only in it for the money or the control or to sooth their own consciences, and those people will willfully break your trust and use you if it means they get more of what they want out of you.  We are not those people.  We are people trying out best to create a community where Jesus transforms lives.  Along the way we will make mistakes, but those mistakes are ours, not His, because only He is perfect; we are not.

Second (and related to the first), when we don't love you perfectly, Jesus still does.  When we don't treat you fairly, Jesus always will.  When we push to hard or not hard enough, Jesus remains steady. We may never fully get your trust back, Jesus will always be worthy of your trust.  When we are selfish, He is selfless.  When we are distracted and miss you, He is focused and never forgets who you are.  

We are not trying to be any of the things I just mentioned.  We are not trying to be distracted or pushy or mean-spirited or cold.  Instead, we are trying to love like Jesus does, to serve like Jesus served, to care like Jesus cared and to all be standing together as a community when He returns.  We are just admitting that we are human and not perfect and that from time to time we will mess up and perhaps that might cause you to not trust us anymore.  But don't let it ever cause you to not trust Him.

I'm not making excuses for when we break your trust.  I wish we never did.  But we do, and when we do I hate it and it sucks, because as a church I want us all to be in authentic community with each other and with God.  God created us to be in relationships with each other and with Him.  This means learning to trust each other and to trust God.          

I have learned to trust Him with my life, sometimes in spite of how I've been treated by church, but also partially because of how I've been treated by church.  It was a church that taught me that when I fall, they were going to kick me while I was down.  It was also a different church that taught me that when I fall, they were going to pick me up and get me back into community with other believers and with God.
God is worthy of your trust. He will never break it.  I trust Him with my life and I hope that you will trust Him with yours too.  Then, let's work together on learning how to trust each other.  

First Wednesday

This coming Wednesday, February 5, 2014 at South Hills Church Community we are relaunching our mid-week study with a night of worship starting at 7 p.m.  I'm excited to co-lead this night with my friends Aaron Garcia, Staci Leonard, Kim Garcia, and Darrell Johnson. This is a night for our students and our adults to gather together and spend extended time in God's presence as a community.

Because we believe that worship is about more than just singing, this night will also include times of confession, prayer, and communion.  This is not a night to come and sing a few songs and then listen to someone teach for half an hour.  This is about coming and actively engaging and participating in worship of the King.  

This isn't "one more thing" to add to your calendar.  This is at the core of what it means to be a disciple. To be in community with your rabbi and your fellow disciples.

So bring the kids, bring your parents, bring your friends - no-one is outside the circle of God's community.  Put your other plans on hold for one night.

Come and experience first Wednesday with us.      

Where I live

I love where I live. 

My family and I used to eat at some great restaurants on this street when we lived here before.

We've seen a few good movies at the movie theatre inside the Casino where I was standing when I took this picture.

It is time for us to be back together and go eat at those great restaurants again and go to some great movies together again.

I love this city, but I love it more when they are in it with me.

a night on the town

I have a great friend by the name of Mark Berry.  He manages a Lindo Michoacan restaurant and cantina here in Vegas.  (Great food by the way)  On Sunday he invited me to be his guest at a special invite only presentation of three guitarists who were playing an exclusive show at his restaurant.  The guitarists were Mario Olivares, Roman Miroshnichenko, and Roger Espinoza.

Three amazing guitarists, combining and fuzing three very different styles into one night of amazing music.  These are guys who play because they love music.  I'm a musician and a guitar player and I know when I hear good music - not overproduced commercialized pop pablum, but real, gritty, down to earth music played by talented people who do it for love of the music, not for the money or the fame.

In honor of the night Mark had the chef's make special guacamole.  I shed a tear as I ate it.  It was that spicy.  Even Jorge, the guy I was sitting next to at the bar all night said it was hot.  So you know, it was hot.

One of the guitar players was from Russia.  Someone bought him a vodka shot during the show.  He drank it and then said "what is this, water?"  The next round was a full glass of the good stuff.  The more he drank the better he got.  That never happened to me back in the day.  I guess you have to be Russian....

I got home late last night, completely fulfilled by a night of amazing musicianship.  Seeing great musicians up close and personal (close enough I could talk to the guys between songs from where I was sitting) is a rewarding experience.  I recommend it.

Don't ignore your local music scene.  Don't pass up on the chance to see real, live, underground artists.
Real music is not overproduced auto-tuned commercialized mass-marketed money driven tunes sung by little girls wearing next to nothing.  Don't buy into the lie that it is.

Have a night on the town seeing real musicians honing their craft on little stages in tiny cantinas and bars.  You won't regret it.

gods pt 1

In prehistoric times man looked up into the night sky and saw the stars and the sun and the moon and the lightning and decided that there must be another world up there with creatures more powerful than he who were controlling everything.  Thus man invented the idea of "gods".

In prehistoric times man dreamed and in his dreams he saw other men and when he awoke thought he must have entered a new dimension or reality where "others" could communicate with him and he with them.  These "others" soon became the basis for "spirit beings" that eventually became "gods".

Soon, man had invented "gods" for everything.  Gods that controlled the weather, and thus the crops. Gods that controlled fertility, and thus the economics of a nomadic, agrarian culture.  Gods that controlled the air, the ground, the water, the animals, the plants.  Gods that controlled war. Gods that controlled death.

Whether you believe in this "secular" version of how the idea of gods and religion began, or whether you follow a more religious view that there is actually One True God and that throughout history the Devil has deceived mankind into creating and believing in false gods, the reality of life is that there are many "gods".      

If you read the Bible, all of these gods are in evidence.  Most of the people in biblical times worshiped one of these various types of gods; often they worshiped several of them at once.  The ancient Greeks and Romans worshiped Zeus, Hermes, Dagon, Aphrodite, and host of others.  Religious and secular texts abound with descriptions of worship to a pantheon of gods.  But worship was costly.  It wasn't free.  The gods and their priests demanded a high price.  Some demanded your offspring become servants of the temple.  Some demanded the very best of your land or your earnings. Some demanded blood.  Some demanded sexual favors (well, the priests and priestesses certainly did). Some demanded death.

When an expected result did not happen, when the worshiper had paid the price, sacrificed what he was told and still got nothing in return, the priests simply said the price had not been high enough, the sacrifice not pure enough, the faith not strong enough, or someone else had paid more or given more and the god had chosen to answer the other person's competing prayer.

In the end mankind learned to hate the gods, and over time came to reject them.  This is Atheism at its core.  But in order to satisfy our innate need for something or someone to believe in, we substituted gods we could not control and who did not give us everything we wanted, for gods we thought we could control and who we thought would give us whatever we wanted, as long as we worked hard enough and were good enough. And so we created a whole new set of gods and we called them success, wealth, happiness, pleasure, beauty, and power.  

Today, our world bows down and worships these gods of success, beauty, wealth and power.  Who are our heroes?  Who do we idolize?  Who do we wish to become?  Other people who have become successful or wealthy or powerful.  We idolize the "beautiful" people because they have become our new "gods".  They are who we want to be like.  We idolize them, we talk about them, we read about them, we dress like them, we talk like them, we try to do what they do.

From time to time a genuine hero pops up, someone like MLK or Ghandi, but how in the world are they to compete with Lil' Wayne, Kanye, Aerosmith, Leonardo DiCaprio, Brad Pitt, Eva Longoria, Kobe, or Ke$ha?  Nobody is running out to buy shoes, hats and T-shirts with Ghandi's logo or Martin Luther King's logo.  But the success of Kobe and the Lakers?  The beauty of Beyonce? The hits of John Mayer or Taylor Swift?  The marketing and retail world drools because it knows the the success and wealth of people like these attract far more worshipers than does the soldier who rescues his fallen comrade or the woman who maintains her purity.

And so what we tell ourselves is that if we work hard enough, if we are good enough, if we are really lucky, then we too can become like the "gods" we idolize.  We can become little gods in our own right with legions of worshipers adoring us and wanting to be just like us.  

In the midst of all of this, the One True God entered our world, entered the world of little gods and false gods, and said "you can't ever be good enough, only I am good enough, so follow me and live in the knowledge that in this life you will have trouble, but don't worry I have overcome the world and one day in the future, I will make everything right and I will right every wrong and I will create a better world for you to live in.  So don't try to be like anybody other than me.  Don't worry or become despondent if you aren't as holy or perfect or beautiful as you think you should be, because I see you as holy and perfect and beautiful.  Don't let the need for pleasure or power or happiness or success be the god you worship because they will always be just out your reach.  Instead, allow me to give you the ultimate pleasure, to teach you that true power comes in humility, that happiness is the knowledge of salvation, and that success is measured not in your bank account on earth, but in eternity in heaven."

This isn't considered "sexy" in today's world.  People dismiss it as the attempts of unsuccessful and weak people to feel better about themselves.  They laugh at pathetic Christian marketing campaigns that try to emulate secular marketing campaigns with T-shirts and bumper stickers that try to be witty and intelligent but usually end up sounding trite, condescending, or bitter.  They look at what Jesus offers and they evaluate eternal rewards by temporary standards.  They give up a perfect eternity in exchange for an imperfect 80 years (if they are lucky).  They are shortsighted because their gods have taught them to be shortsighted.

But honestly, it isn't entirely their fault.  Most of these gods and most of these ways of thinking have become so central to who we are as a human race that they have become the new world religion - the new world order - and those of us who believe in the One True God have done little to confront this central way of thinking.  We haven't made the revolution that Jesus started meaningful or attractive because we don't really give ourselves 100% to the One True God.  He gets a percentage right along with the gods of wealth, success, beauty, relationships, and power.  Now, none of these things is wrong in any way.  They just cannot be the gods we worship if we are followers of the One True God.

So how does a follower of the One True God live in a world that worships and follows all the other gods?  How does a follower of Jesus one the one hand affirm what is beautiful and worthy and good in this world while on the other hand confronting all that is ugly and false and dangerous?

That is what I am trying to figure out.  

      

The not-an-omelet omelet

I am not a terrible cook.

I am not a great cook.

I am somewhere in the middle to lower third.  

With some time and some help I can achieve great things...like moving up to the middle.

On occasion I have surprised my wife with a meal.

On occasion I have surprised myself with a meal.

But these are usually special occasions with preparation and recipes and time and luck and a glass of wine for strength

Now that I am down here on my own, I am learning what "real" cooking looks like.  You are hungry, its the end of the day, you are tired, you haven't had the entire day to peruse recipes, buy your ingredients, get them all ready, cook them perfectly and in order....

At least I don't have a grumpy hungry husband asking me every five seconds what I'm going to make him for supper.  (Sorry about that wife, I am learning the hard way that this does not inspire you to want to make food for me :)  I yell at myself now and it doesn't inspire me to want to make food for myself either.)

Which brings me to my not-an-omelet omelet.

The picture you are looking at is my second attempt at the omelet.  I could not take a picture of the first attempt out of pure shame.  It tasted fine, but it looked like dog food.  For those of you thinking this picture doesn't look any better...well...you should have seen the first attempt.

Things were going well on this second attempt: at first.  The mushrooms were fried, the onions were fried, the omelet egg mixture was in the frying pan, everything was working together splendidly.  I actually thought I could pull it off.  Not too much time, not too much work, just a nice quick easy dinner that would look and taste like an omelet.  

Then things went horribly wrong.  I don't know exactly how or why it started to fall apart.  Maybe the heat was too high, maybe it was too low.  Maybe I attempted to turn it too quickly.  It seemed a little wet on top still, but the bottom was certainly omletey (my word invention for the day).  So I attempted the flip.  I'm not sure you should actually attempt to flip and omelet.  BAAAAAAAD things happen. Part of it flipped.  Part of it didn't.  Part of it began to run down the flipper toward my hand.  Some of it dripped on the stove.  A mushroom leapt to safety.  Another followed.  An onion attempted to follow and was quickly devoured in the flame.  I retrieved both onions and returned them to their proper place in the omelet.  But by now it had been on the flame a little too long and the parts that had not flipped well were beginning to burn, or at least get really really dark.  O.K.  burn.

I figured it was now or never.  Everything that was in the omelet pan ended up on my plate.  Except the traitor onion.  It was still burning in the hellish flames of its own making.  It was then I realized that in my haste I had forgotten the cheese.  Well, who was going to notice that the cheese wasn't actually inside the omelet.  There really wasn't an "inside" to it anyway.  

So the tomatoes and cheese went on top.  I took a picture of it.  For posterity.  

It still tasted amazing.  

I will continue to work on it.  I will be triumphant.    

What I learned in grad school

I was not the world's greatest organizer in my pre-grad school life.  I would get up from the dinner table in the middle of eating because I suddenly remembered something I was supposed to do, or to do something I knew I'd forget ten minutes later.  I once owned a day-timer.  I lost it.  I bought another one.  I forgot where I put it.
Once I turned around three times on my way to work to drive back home to get something I needed for the day at the office.  Three times.
Long term planning meant what are we having for lunch.
I knew I needed to learn to organize my time and set priorities and that I would be less stressed if I actually planned stuff out and wasn't always scrambling at the last minute.  Problem was, I didn't know how.  That, and I told myself that part of being "me" was being spontaneous and unplanned and always being able to pull stuff together at the last minute because that is what creative, rebellious people did.

So I survived in that mode for over 30 years.  I pastored a couple of churches in that mode.  Some good, some not so good.  I pulled off some great creative large church-wide programs well.  I didn't pull off others so well.  I burned out some of my staff and volunteers.  I burned out.

Then I went to grad school.  An MA at the largest university in Western Canada.  My first year I took three MA courses.  I was overwhelmed.  I had never had so much to read and so much to write and so much to prepare for every single night.  Every day in class we were expected to come prepared to discuss what we had read the night before.  Not just sit and listen to others discuss, but to actually be a contributing member of the discussion.  We had to be prepared to teach sections of the class to our fellow classmates.  We had to write papers.  Not little five page things, but lengthy in depth papers with bibliographies and citations.  This meant reading other books and papers on the same topic outside of what was assigned in class.  Position papers needed to be researched.  And then, at the end of every class we had to write a 30 - 40 page paper.  For each class.  On top of this, we had to begin research for our thesis, which we would spend our second year researching and writing.

I realized that I would never survive if I did not become organized.  I had to organize each semester, each month, each week, and each day.  I had to organize and plan for family time, social time, work time, research time, class time, writing time, even eating and sleeping.  Some weeks were busier than others.  Some weeks I didn't get as much sleep as I wanted (well, that seldom ever happened in grad school), some weeks extra assignments or editing or re-writes or teaching a class for someone else messed up my plans, but the point was, I had plans, and those plans saved me.

So here I am, three years removed from my post-graduate work, living alone in Vegas and realizing that as much as I needed to organize my time in the busyness, even more so I need to organize my time when I am alone without my family.  I have a lot more "free" time in my schedule right now and without organization and planning I can easily work too much, sleep too much, begin to get lazy, miss appointments, push stuff off, and get selfish and self-focused.

Grad school taught me that to be successful, I had to plan, organize, and then stick to the plan while being flexible enough to seize opportunities when they came along that might temporarily re-arrange things.

Sticking to that is not easy in this new phase of my life.  In fact, I believe it is harder to organize and plan when you are not overwhelmed by a million things.  When you aren't overwhelmed you tell yourself "I can push that off until tomorrow" or "I will get to that next week."

Lies.  All lies.

Grad school taught me the need to organize.  Real life is reminding me that I need to continue to organize.  Perhaps now more than ever.

 

The Christmas Visit

I landed in Vancouver airport at 12:05 a.m. Christmas morning, went through immigration and waited 6 hours in a Tim Horton's coffee shop for security to open so I could get on a plane and be home with my family by 9 a.m. Christmas morning to open presents.  It was worth it.  I arrived tired and happy and spent an amazing day with Jo and the kids and my mom and dad.  We ate tons of food.  Jo had made everything I love for Christmas dinner.  I literally had to crawl from the table to the couch after I ate (I don't think the Bible talks anywhere about gluttony does it? - I didn't think so).
My son Braden's birthday is January 17 and since I won't be home for it, we celebrated his birthday with a great night out at his favorite Italian restaurant.
We had a family day that included our favorite Indian restaurant.
We went and saw the Hobbit 2 in 3-D together.
We went out and sat around a table at Starbucks together one morning and talked about all the things we wanted to do as a family once we were all back together in Vegas.
I led worship at my friend Greg's church on Saturday night and Sunday.  I was so blessed to be able to lead my family in worship.  I haven't been able to do that since we've been separated.
We celebrated a quiet New Year's eve together at home with the kids.
And then it was time to leave.
It was harder this time.
The first time there was the thrill of the new adventure.  The first time there was also the complete lack of comprehension of how difficult this type of separation would be.
The second time there was the joy of being back together again and the hope that the process would somehow magically speed up for us.
This time the reality of how difficult our separation is was staring us both in the face.  This time we had no illusion about a quick resolution to our immigration.  We still hope, we still have faith, but we are also realists.  We can read a website.  We can see the case numbers still sitting in the "initial review" phase, where they have been for months now.
The drive to the airport on Friday morning was sombre.  Almost holy, in a way.
Being obedient to God's call on our lives, realizing that for us, this call means we are going to endure separation for a while longer.  Realizing we are in "holy time" and that we are in the middle of God's will for us, even though we don't understand it fully right now.
The thrill of this adventure is gone. We are now all on this long and difficult road that we must walk with patience and faith.