I am missing my family right now. A lot. It is the Christmas season and everywhere it is beginning to look a lot like....well, you get it. Trees are going up; lights are being hung on houses; families are out Christmas shopping in the evenings with their Starbucks and their shopping bags. At church we are singing Christmas carols. And here I sit, alone. I know it was my choice to be here, our family made the decision and it hasn't been easy to be apart, but I think right now, going into Christmas, it will be harder than it has been.
I am not the grinch. I love Christmas. I love family. I love presents. I love decorations and lights. But right now, I am feeling not so Christmassy. Is that a word? Perhaps I need a snickers bar or something cause I don't really feel like my happy Christmas-loving self. I feel a little bit blue.
My wife would no doubt ask me "Why so blue panda?" It's part of an old snickers commercial.....oh never mind. I'm wandering. My point it this, I would very much like to be with my family at Christmas.
Every time I see some happy family walking down the mall hand in hand with love in their eyes and presents in the bags and kids skipping merrily along I feel like walking up to them and saying......(I probably shouldn't finish that sentence).
I probably shouldn't post this blog either.
But seriously, it feels a little strange to be out shopping by myself at Christmas. I don't know why it didn't feel weird in the past, when I would go out by myself to get something for Jo so she wouldn't know what it was. Then I felt perfectly normal. Right now, I feel rather pathetic.
I know it is just me.
Did I mention I also feel a little blue?
What is worse, I wonder how many families look at me as I walk by and give each other that sad "knowing" look as if to say "I'm so glad we have each other at Christmas and aren't like that loner that just walked by us."
Maybe they think I'm out buying presents for my wife and kids, which I am actually, it just feels strange not to run back to the car and try to hide the present(s) somewhere in the trunk and then go back and meet Jo for coffee at Starbucks (or Tim Horton's or Second Cup or David's Tea) and pretend like I didn't just buy a gift and it isn't hiding in the trunk. But I like that stuff.
Maybe I'm just getting old and sentimental. Wait, did somebody say senile?
Here is how sad it got this weekend.
I'm at the Fashion Show mall on the Strip. They are playing Christmas music. There is a fashion show going on. Santa is hosting it. There is an elf helping him out. It seemed like they were doing stand-up around the models as they walked the catwalk. The models were modeling really ugly christmas-themed clothes. I mean really ugly. It was perfect. All Christmas time joy and happiness and ugly sweaters and Santa and I really didn't care. I was annoyed that there were people standing five deep to watch the show and I had to squeeze through them and around them.
I kept asking myself "Why are all these people here to see Santa and an elf and some stupid ugly sweater thing and hear Christmas music?"
I know, I need professional help.
No wait, I need a snickers bar.
Actually, I just need my family.
Actually, I just need to man up, realize I do have a family that loves me, and that on Christmas Eve I will get on a plane at 9:50 p.m. right after our last Christmas Eve service, I will fly to Seattle, stay in the airport for six hours (no doubt trying unsuccessfully to sleep), get on another plane, and be home with them by 9 a.m. on Christmas morning.
I'm more than happy to wander around a deserted Seattle airport for six hours. I'm more than happy to travel all night if it means I get to open presents with Jo and the kids on Christmas morning.
I might sleep the rest of the day, but hey, I'll be home...for Christmas...
Enough said.
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