I did not do anything right

I was not a great kid.  I was a horrible teenager.  As a young adult I was a mess.  If you knew me in my late teens and early twenties you are probably wondering how it is that I am still alive, still have a semi-functional brain, and for certain are wondering what in the world I am doing as a minister of the gospel of Jesus.  I wonder all of those things too.

I do not deserve the life I have now.  I do not deserve the family I have.  I do not deserve the love of God or the privilege of being a minister.  But I have these things and I know they are a gift from God.

For a guy like me, with my past, to have a beautiful, faithful, wonderful wife is beyond my comprehension.  I do not deserve her. I did nothing in my past that would make me say "I've been a good moral upstanding young man who loves Jesus and deserves a wife who will be his best friend." If anything it was the exact opposite.  Yet, here I am today, married 21 (almost 22) years to my best friend.  

I did not do anything right, yet God blessed me with Jo.  I wouldn't trade her for the world.

For a son like me, with my past, to have intelligent, focused, beautiful, loving kids is beyond my comprehension.  I do not deserve them.  My kids are all wonderful.  I'm not just saying that.  We actually like each other.  We get along.  I dare say we love each other.  They are 17, 18, and 19, and we still enjoy hanging out together.  We miss each other during this separation.  Every time I read my daughter's blogs, listen to my son play bass, or talk to my other son about his education and future plans I am reminded of how completely undeserving and yet how blessed I am.  I deserve kids who sleep around and do drugs and run away from home.  Yet, here I am today, with the three most awesome kids in the entire world.

I did not do anything right, yet God blessed me with Kyle, Skye, and Braden. I wouldn't trade them for the world.

In the same way, I do not deserve eternal life.  But, I dedicated my life to following a rabbi over 20 years ago.  I have not even been close to following him perfectly.  There have been seasons where I have gotten far off track and ended up following my own passions and desires.  Sometimes I wonder if He looks over His shoulder and says "Where is that guy?  Not again...."  

And yet, because I said "Yes" to him all those years ago, He hasn't abandoned me.  He hasn't let me get too far off track.  I live with the consequences of some of my choices, but I am still a follower, and I still know that when this life ends, a better eternity is waiting.

I did not do anything right, yet God blessed me with eternal life.  I'm living in the early stages of that life right now.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  I wouldn't trade my rabbi for the world.